the "plus one" factor

a friend and I were chatting last night, and we got to talking about the "plus one" factor. we started talking about whether we are comfortable being who we are around our friends, and we both came to the conclusion that it is only in our closest relationships that we are able to be at ease and not feel pressured to "fill in the blanks" during the conversation. (I know this seems to be "common sense", but I do believe that certain people are just better endowed with social skills + are more confident in themselves)

the "plus one" factor refers to the need to step it up a notch in a social situation - whether that's trying to prevent any silence in the conversation, shooting out witty remarks, or asking questions that you wouldn't otherwise care to ask. the "plus one" factor can also manifest through physical gesturing - perhaps you begin to nod your head to show that you agree, or you gently pat that person on the arm to affirm your attention.=)

the reasons to apply the "plus one" factor can generally be divided in the following three categories:

1) You are speaking to an authority figure - this may be within work/school context, where you desire to be viewed with a certain amount of respect (which pretty much means you REALLY DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT)

2) You do not want to appear inferior to the person you are speaking to - this may occur within the context of fellow students or colleagues...you don't know them well, but also wish to appear likable and fairly intelligent. this again comes down to respect.

3) You are insecure - this may occur if you wish to impress a person (maybe someone you find attractive?) and in the midst of your heart pitter-pattering and instances of blushing, you really want to find a topic which would spark good, enthusiastic responses from the person. the "plus one" is therefore applied to help further the conversation as much as possible - in the hopes that they might like you back.

anyways...just random thoughts ;)

response to "rich young ruler" (derek webb)

our comfort is in the status quo
we like the way things are when they work
and we continue to invest our time, our chatter, our feelings
into this ancien regime of stagnancy

cyclically we continue
to love who we find easy to love
to forget who we wish to forget

The Lord asks:
"share your bread with the hungry"

we cry: "but we haven't had enough!"

The Lord asks:
"bring the homeless poor into Your house"

we cry: "but they are dirty and my house is clean!"

The Lord asks:
"when you see the naked, cover them"

we cry: "but we do not possess enough clothing for ourselves!"

our comfort is in the lack of relinquishment
we like our commodities and how they make us feel
and we continue to invest our money, our love, our hopes
into this selfish regime of "life fulfillment"

"I want more than just your cash and coin, I want your time, I want your voice, I want the things you just can't give me..." - Rich Young Ruler, Derek Webb

this man has a special place in my heart

I'm talking about Stephen Colbert, of course!

This is him on the O'Reilly Factor...I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. O'Reilly seriously got his arse kicked good.

To those who've never seen Colbert, his "style" is all tongue in cheek...and all his criticisms of our modern day politics are made through "emulation" of folks like O'Reilly on Fox News. Think of him as playing a character (which is different from what Jon Stewart, his "predecessor" does)

My favourite line: "What are you on? What gives you the strength? Jesus or Pat Robertson's protein shakes?"

awakening

I am so preoccupied with the politics of resentment
With the politics of judgment
as india arie writes - "let's fly high on the wings of forgiveness"

for so long, I've been reducing my world
to rules of inclusivity and exclusivity
but for once I can say
being on the outside has never felt so real
never felt so good

My battles with abandonment and loneliness have begun
I'm not afraid anymore
the war's already been won
My Jesus, Friend of sinners
has long restored my soul, redeemed me from all forces of darkness
I've just been refusing to recognize
the power of His love, His arms, and His peace
in my soul

the hardest lesson to learn in life
is acknowledging that love means giving all of me
without expectation of reward

"Oh God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things that I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Oh God, give me the courage to love with an open heart,
To love with an open heart, to love with an open heart...
I want to love with an open heart..."

waiting on the world to change

last night, I watched a 20/20 special on "children living in poverty" (in the U.S). They had a particular focus on Camden, NJ, and showcased the lives of three kids. diane sawyer and her crew kept in touch with them over a year, and beyond the clips of the kids in their homes, we get to see an interview that she does with them in present day.
It was a really tough hour of television, as the memories of our trip there two years ago came flooding back. the abandoned buildings, the sign reading "heal camden" set beneath a cross, the decrepit streets that are too often the centre of crime and drug dealings.

a part of me was glad that this town was finally getting some representation in media, but the other part of me just wanted to cry because the situation there is so dire. the statistic of how 70% of "drug seekers" are actually from suburbs nearby still shocks me. people are often quick to blame the community itself for how "crime-ridden" it is, and don't understand that much of the crime is brought INTO the town.

one of the kids featured was moochie, a girl that we actually met during our time with Urban Promise. I remember asking her for her name when we were doing crafts, and being in disbelief that she could have such a cute name=) the segment showcased her broken family, with her dad suffering from alcoholism and brother constantly getting into trouble with the police. moochie wishes to be able to go to college (she just started going to kindergarten), and hopes to be a judge someday.

one of the most heart-breaking moments during the broadcast concerned a 6 year old boy named Ivan. his mom, brother, and him have no permanent home, and for months their only living space was an armchair that would be their bed at night. We see Ivan on his first day to school, excited (he really wants to learn to read) but also anxious because he fears the other kids won't like him. the class however, welcomes him, and he isn't so frightened anymore. the moment that breaks my heart is when the teacher asks him about the various meals in a day. "What's it called when we eat in the morning? Before we go to bed?", the teachers asks, and Ivan is visibly confused. He's stumped, unknowing of terms like "breakfast" and "dinner" because his family is barely able to eat once a day.

the broadcast, other than being nostalgic, also reminded me of how much God's grace is necessary in the everyday. we must stop dividing up our time between what is "godly" and "everything else" and truly look to how we can reflect the love of God in every aspect of our lives and our neighbours'...

when will we learn to acknowledge the face of God on these forgotten streets?

what are your memories of Hong Kong?

I have a bit of a selective memory with my childhood in Hong Kong...it's very easy to fall into the "the way things were" mentality, where the grass is green and the clouds are made of cotton candy. About 90% of my memories are fond ones: big birthday parties in our tiny little apartment; fat worm taking chocolate ball and I to HK Park to play; walking to the cornerstore at the bottom of our building with mom and buying creamsicles and ice cream...
I know I have a bit of a glorified and idyllic view of that past, but it's something that I feel perfectly ok with. Because it was good. and I loved my time there.

here's a short list of some of my memories:

1. begging my mom to buy "don don tong" (a kind of street candy) for me...and she would everytime because she used to eat them as a kid (back then, for her, knick-knacks from home served as a form of currency)
2. being brought to this extremely long slide (I forget which park it's from...must ask fat worm), and sliding down multiple multiple times
3. hot vitasoy from the cornerstore - still the best beverage ever!
4. going swimming in mei foo and going to mcdonalds afterwards (back then, they still had the burgers in styrofoam colored boxes - remember? super environmentally unfriendly)...I still love filet-o-fish.
5. our little apartment in kwai fong...where 20 people could completely overtake the space. it was fun that my best friend only lived a couple of floors down from us, so we could play all the time!
6. wearing matching outfits with my brother (obviously purchased by mother)...the photographs are priceless.
7. taking the small buses ("wan-tsai") and sitting in the seat right behind the driver, which is elevated...ahh, the delicate touch of plastic-covered seats
8. going to the "pirate" restaurant...this place had a pirate ship buffet and also "hello kitty meals" - which I love
9. watching condor heroes for the first time with my cousins (on dad's side) - it's actually quite cool that my sister now knows them too
10. there's nothings quite like 7-11: coke slushy, curry fishballs, microwaveable dim sum and the likes...

There's so much more, but you wouldn't want me ranting on for eternity now...do share some of your memories if you wish=)

"god is in the rain"

the line "god is in the rain" really stuck with me after watching "v for vendetta"...
given the especially wet weather from these past couple of days, the quote resonates on a whole new level.
thinking about the metaphor of God = Rain, some quick connections can be made:
Water has always been a symbol of healing, of replenishment...and the idea of rain falling from the sky captures those ideas for me. Rain that cleanses our souls, washing away our ugliness, granting us new life and new hope.

on a slightly related note, I seem to have a great talent at STEPPING INTO PUDDLES.

morals vs. ethics

before I begin "intelligently" (note the quotation marks) ranting, let me rant in a completely senseless manner:

I woke up at 7am. So that I would have time to shower, wash my hair, and work my way towards looking fairly appropriate for the viewership of other human beings. Boarded the bus at 8am, and had to sit beside a person who smelled horrifying. I literally had to stick my nose to the window and later simply refused to breathe as much as possible. UGH.
Arrived at school promptly, even better than promptly, only to find out that TUTORIALS ARE CANCELLED. Why did I get my frik-a-frakking butt on the mountain so early? My first thought was: "I should have checked my email". I then proceeded to pick some things up from the office, and on my way out, I notice my T.A at the student-operated coffeeshop. I thought: "HUH? That's weird." That compelled to check my email, and guess what? There was no email sent beforehand! What's up with that? Why, Mr. T.A, DO YOU CHOOSE TO WASTE MY TIME?

*sigh*.

Alright, onto the more serious stuff:
How do you understand morals versus ethics?

Here's a view, verbalized in the eloquent words of my prof:

Ethics is a way of taking the moral impulse and making things easier for ourselves – alleviating responsibility from oneself. It is "everything you are prepared to do even though you can do more"; essentially drawing a line in the sand.

Morals, on the other hand, are infinite. They represent "everything that you could do".

For example, in Joel Bakan's The Corporation, it is brought up that corporations defend themselves against say, environmentally-friendly policies or fair economics, through their code of ethics. They say that, "our code of ethics makes us accountable to our investors", and the profit margin takes precedence over a greener Earth or fair treatment of workers.

In cases where investors have asked for "greener"/more just policies, they have been sued by other investors, and the courts have ALWAYS ruled in the favour of the latter because it is part of the corporation's "code of ethics".

Any thoughts? I thought this interesting.

fancy dinner

Thursday Night's Dinner: Roasted Salmon with Dill Cream Sauce, Saffron Risotto, Roasted Potatoes, and Organic Greens with Honey Mustard Tomato Dressing.

I try to cook a least a few days of the week - which helps me realize that speed and manoeuvrability in the kitchen are skills that take years to manifest...to whip up a meal in half an hour is possible; if you're smart and have the experience. I have neither...but I've been managing a bit better since deciding to cook more frequently for fat worm, wormball, chocolate ball and strawberry ball (the girlfriend).

I have to say...there's nothing better than to sit down and enjoy a meal - I've always been the type to grab something and multitask, and I've recently rediscovered the joys of simply sitting down and eating together as a family. I've missed those times.

Hmm...I think I'm going to defrost that leg of lamb that's been in the freezer now...

Hii =D

Last term these weirdos kept on eating that powder that you get in instant noodles..the kind you put in the soup to 'enhance the saltyness/flavour' (quoted from Edmond) now they're doing it again! I sit beside this boy called Clement and sometimes, when I go back to my desk he's sucking his finger. Eww. And there are empty packets in his desk even.

Now he switched to pretzels. Weird for a bookworm.

It's kind of like they're dealing drugs... teeheehees. Sometimes in the middle of class the person who sits behind me (Kevin) reaches his arm out to Clement and says, "Yo, give me some MSG." and theree we go...

Butterball: "Your classmates are GROSS."
Wormball: "Yep."

IRIS, at this point, says:
"I don't like Wormball. How about Ball-Ball?"

Butterball: "..."

perceptions (part 1 of 3)

in elementary school,
we spoke french
and nobody called me elaine
I loved to play games, emulating TVB characters
with my super honger friends

I sang Spice Girls
bought slushies
and hung out at the swings every recess
gossiping with girls whose names are so foreign now
isabelle, burcin, wing yi, sondos
I wonder where they are now

I liked a boy
in grade 5, 6
who had a funny haircut
my friends called him "aaron kwok wannabe"
he was sweet
and would try to hold my hand when I wasn't looking

actually, I liked two boys
one much cuter than the other
looking back now
the soccer player with the bunny teeth
still makes me giggle and even blush

graduation was the most fun
our song was the theme to "hercules"
ahh yes..."go the distance"
we had a fun dance
when aqua, the macarena, and savage garden were still hot commodities
that was also the year I saw "titanic" twice

trips to quebec city and ottawa
memories of greyhound buses
and how someone pooed and made the back stinky.
our own hotel beds
the first taste of freedom

pui ming, pui ming
that was my name
the girl who read books
and loved magic carpet rides

absolute disgust

an interesting piece of info regarding yesterday's post: it was my 124th post...SCARY.

my daily transit routine consists of either reading or listening to the "democracy now" podcast, which helps pass the time in a relatively productive way. (i've also tried journalling and doing devo's on the bus...but...it doesn't quite work out as well)
I always like to share some of the news that I hear about from the show...but have shyed away from it in the past due to the intellectual demand of writing about it (as opposed to say, 24). I will TRY to do more informational pieces in the future, starting with today:

A top-ranking Pentagon official in the U.S recently made comments on a federal news program regarding the legal representation of detainees held at Guantanamo Bay:

"I think, quite honestly, when corporate CEOs see that those firms are representing the very terrorists who hit their bottom line back in 2001, those CEOs are going to make those law firms choose between representing terrorists or representing reputable firms, and I think that is going to have major play in the next few weeks. And we want to watch that play out."
- Charles Stimson (Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Detainee Affairs)

Soon after these remarks, the American Bar Association retaliated and described Stimson's comments to be offensive to the legal profession and all Americans.

I was incredibly disgusted by the comments made. The kind of disgust that made me burn with anger from the inside-out. People still refer to the American Dream being the pinnacle of justice and freedom, but in all honesty, examples are few and far between to support this account. The very idea of locking up so-called "enemy combattants" and stripping them of their legal right to representation is irreprehensible and outrageous. To outright speak against the very law firms who are trying to provide civil rights to the prisoners at Guantanamo is not only tactless, but serves to defeat the very foundation of the Constitution.

*Sigh*...

24 (spoiler-free)

the sixth season of 24 has just begun, and I have to say, I'm impressed.
I'm such a nazi about it in my house...if you're gonna be loud watching 24, you have to get out of the room! The show demands some very strict behavioral rules=)
Apart from the usual tension watching it: gripping a pillow in hand and gasping loudly, these first four episodes have been particularly interesting because of how politically charged they are. In past seasons, the show has been accused by the Muslim community of being discriminatory towards their religion (which, if you remember, resulted in those PSAs with kiefer talking about diversity and respect and), most notably in season 4. If that caused so much controversy, then things are bound to get finnicky this season...the allusions to guantanamo, immigration policies, and civil rights all make for some very unique TV fare. It's also, I think, the darkest season so far...not only due to Jack Bauer's recent past, but also because it really showcases how we have built up a culture of fear around terrorism. Under this reign of "perfect security", the ugliness of human nature rears its head...with devastating consequences.

Mmmm...if the episodes remain this good, it might just be the best season yet! (My current favourite is still "Season Tow"...although Season Five was quite excellent too)

reflections on the word "love"

Love is thinking with your heart.
Love is wanting what’s best for the person.
Love is un-awkward silence.
Love is comprehension without revelation.
Love is completion.
Love is understanding each other fully with a single glance.
Love is being able to present yourself as you are.
Love is knowing when to let go.
Love needs no prerequisites.
Love needs no push or shove.
Love is not expecting recognition or gratitude for your efforts.
Love is finding satisfaction in others' satisfaction.
Love is not being afraid of being vulnerable
Love is without self-consciousness
Love is giving your best when you are at your worst
Love is forgetting yourself and remembering others

Love is sacrifice

our modern ideas of "love" are much like a transactions...we hurry, we pace back and forth, just waiting for the credit card to come through. it's almost like we've grown impatient of one another, and we constantly need to fill the void with empty conversation...hoping that at the end of the day, both parties would have gained a bit more self-confidence. amateur lovers, that's what we are...

p.s poe and I came up with the reflections a long long time ago. I forget when. so, much credit due to her.

friday poetry post-pho coma

treading through downtown streets
at 50 miles and hour
dirty misty windows
try to hide winter's beauty

the weight of snow on pine trees
reflecting the light of the sun
still, silent, altogether captivating

wintery weather brings with it new hopes, new warmth
and the reminder that
as much as you try to forget
awkward staccato steps
still get the best of you

alleluia for new birth
alleluia for life already given
alleluia for second chances

spring semester

this past week has gone by so quickly...I'm thankful for my spring semester arrangement!
still frustrated by the work situation - but I will be patient and see where the Lord leads.

I think I did the following when I started fall semester, so I will do it again - just summarizing some initial thoughts about what I'm looking forward to learning in the next few months:
(no name-calling! I'm a self-professed nerd!)

cmns 386 - this course is about documentary media and explores questions of realism and how this media form has evolved over the past century (almost...1920s-200s). I love that we're talking about documentary as a cultural technology - how does it help us make meaning about the world? this medium is so rich with controversy, especially because it substantiates itself in being "presenters of reality". but is reality through the lens really reality? why is it that we are so much more susceptible to believe in the technical style of hand-held shooting?
Very excited - and I get to watch tons of docs! In class! As well...it's being taught by one of my favourite profs ever - and this is her field research, therefore making it all the more exciting.

cmns 323 (cultural dimensions in advertising) - I'm really looking forward to this one too...especially since we're talking about the bigger questions of how advertising connects with our society and culture (rather than discussing effectiveness and blahblah of ads). it's so interesting that we all take advertising so lightly (that it doesn't "affect" us) and therefore the idea of studying advertising just seems retarded to a lot of people. however, this is exactly why studying it is important: the fact that it appeals to the unconscious. the effect of an advertising culture is cumulative - we are like fish in the water...unable to break out of the environment we live in. advertising affects our view of other social issues...it gives us ideas, concepts, and tools for thinking...it helps us conceptialize who we are and hope to be.

cmns 332 (communications and rhetoric) - this one I'm the least knowledgeable about...I took the course on the sole basis that I had this prof back in first year and his lectures really helped affirm my faculty choice! we'll be talking about rhetoric (the art of persuasion) as a source of epistemology and how everything has a rhetorical component - the idea of language as a social function. I'll elaborate on a particular model that he showed us on monday (kenneth burke's pentag model) in another blog...it's quite fascinating. one of the course books is malcolm gladwell's "the tipping point", which I have just finished...a good thing, because it's probably deserving of a second read. i've been reading some of his blogs as well, and find him quite intelligent and insightful...not that I buy everything he says either (it's a good tool for further critical thinking!). oh yes...if his name isn't familiar - he wrote "blink" as well.

hist 390 (modern italy) - this course is the "dark horse" this semester...it's completely flukey that I ended up in it...it was the only higher level history course that fit. funnily enough, I've had the prof before and found him to be very good (strict but very clear and articulate)...it's a small class so I'm sure there'll be lots of opportunity to ask questions and clarify things...I have no particular interest in italian history, but feel fortunate that this is his speciality. as well, we'll be watching films in this class too because italian cinema is a great historical resource.

looks to be a fun semester - being a student is infinitely more fun than working a 9-5 job...(at least in my opinion)

some quotes from the wormball

"buit. buuuuuuuuuuit."
- her many "happy" farts while resting on MY bed.

"I think the world is scary".
Me: "Why?"
"Cuz it's big."
Me: "..."

At A&W; I was consuming my Teen Burger while she eating her Chubby Chicken Burger. She looks at the packaging and says:

" I find it offensive that they would call the chicken "chubby". That's rude!"
[I start to cackle]
"The chicken really isn't THAT chubby!"
Me: "Well DUH! It's TWO-DIMENSIONAL."

As I'm writing down these quotes...

"Stop quoting me. It's not nice. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't put that down!"

Seconds later..

"Buit. Buiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

"I'm just gonna be silent now."

scattered thoughts on death

I am currently working through joan didion's "the year of magical thinking", which is a biography/memoir of sorts with her reflections on the death of her husband and her daughter's illness.

I had never previously really thought about the difference between grief and mourning until I read a certain passage from her book. I guess for most people (at least me), the emotions and feelings felt after a loved one's death is simply a blur - one big smudge. didion mentions that grief is the experience of sadness, while mourning demands something of us. in that way, mourning is the act of working through grief....which is much more difficult.
one of the ways in which we are prevented from mourning is the belief that that person will come back. she speaks about her difficulty in giving away his favourite sneakers - she rationalizes keeping them because he might one day come back. it just didn't feel right.

how strange and frightening that everything could change in one instant...how little time we spend contemplating our physical vulnerability. how strange and frightening that we live with little reflection of death and our lack of control in the matter...

children of men

last night was spent watching "children of men" at silver city ...it was FINALLY released here on friday!
I was feeling a bit ambivalent about it because I think I hyped it up way too much for myself...I mean...the trailer made me cry. A TRAILER. I had heard Cuaron (the director) talk about it, and was so excited to see the 9 minute single shot (I later read in a review where the writer commented that it would make Stanley Kubrick fall to his knees in admiration).

Anyways, onto my thoughts.
I LOVED IT. I know that seems obvious at this point, but I have to say that it met my expectations and then some. It's been years since I've seen such a realistic film, where I felt like I was experiencing true events. this seems strange considering the film is set in 2027 London, but I think the director intended for it to be about the present rather than a future. it's no "gattaca" or "the fifth element" but rather something in its own genre. the photography is astoundingly beautiful, the color schemes use mostly grays and blues with exceptional lighting skill. the movie never shys away from shocking you and does nearly nothing to set up "critical" scenes...and perhaps that's how the audience feels completely pulled into reality: the events happen and are portrayed seemingly without preconception.

beyond the technical beauty, the film was also incredibly touching. There were moments where I started crying and didn't even notice because I was so engrossed in what was happening...it's rare to care about characters so quickly and deeply. in a world where women are no longer able to bear children, where militarism has become "the way things are", and hopelessness has become a great plague...cuaron is able to get across to the audience that hope still exists and can be found at the very heart of darkness. as one reviewer put it, cuaron shows us that "darkness always brings a dawn".

it isn't a "pleasant" film, and can certainly be called a gruesome dystopic nightmare...but the sharp dialogue and humanity of the characters shine through to help us see how much this is a possible outcome for us all. for me, it made me think about the necessity of faith: not specifically a faith in God, but a faith in a better tomorrow and the sacrifices that it requires. more importantly, the film serves as a "warning sign" of sorts for our present day politics and values. disillusionment, ignorance, complacency, and our lack of compassion are the great terrors of our time - our response is necessary in order to ensure a better tomorrow.

and oh yes - clive owen is brilliant in it! it reminded me a little of his role in the bmw film "powder keg", coincidentally directed by alejandro gonzalez innaritu.

during a time of "resolutions"

There are periods in history when social crisis threatens to unravel society. But such times are often also eras of transition, invitation, and opportunity. The New Testament word for such a time is kairos. It means a time pregnant with possibilities. We may be at such a moment. At these historical junctures, ideological analysis and solutions are inadequate. Old political categories prove increasingly useless. Kairos instead calls out for our conversion. Our structures, values, habits, and assumptions are in need of basic transformation. Neither politics nor piety as we know them will effect such a change. Rather, a new spirituality is required, a spirituality rooted in old traditions but radically applied to our present circumstances. - Jim Wallis

If you've just skipped the quote and started right at this paragraph...I encourage you to read it. I love this concept of "kairos" because it is one that is deeply ingrained in hope. we turn our eyes to the destructive all too often and forget the opportunities that are in places marred with desperation and insecurity. Kairos demands us to stand, to fight, and to love - again, it is the bridge between God's freedom and the politics of justice and compassion. As I move forward in the new year - I pray to keep this concept alive in the everyday moments of my life...to follow a spirituality that is rooted in tradition and applied to the present. I also want to be a better listener to God's whispers, which often manifests itself as my conscience.
I want to make an effort to follow the nudges - holding true to my beliefs.
I want to escape spiritual atrophy.
I want to follow Christ.

I feel so fortunate to be at a point in my life where I am more free than ever to make commitments - I am thankful for the everyday opportunities that God gives to glorify His name.

continuation of "science world fun"

here's a quiz, dear readers:

"What's so special about this bench and why?" (Hint: Location - Burrard Station)

science world fun

on thursday, the wombat and I decided to brave the bodyworlds 3 exhibit at science world...
given the choice between the VAG, pottery, and bodyworlds, my sister chose this option...because she has a deep fascination with gore. she really does. (and yet she's afraid of watching "kill bill" with me)

we really enjoyed our time there, even though the place was swamped...kids galore! good thing I bought tickets online...we wouldn't have gotten in otherwise=)
if you don't know already, the exhibit consists of bodies that have been preserved through a process called plastination; we get to see the muscles and internal organs with great detail...and I was particularly fascinated with blood vessels and nerves. the bodies are also arranged artistically - some of my favourites included the praying one, the ballet dancer, and the juxtaposed couple (it was so oddly romantic...we both thought the piece conveyed a certain despair - in love, while awaiting death)...iris' favourite was the one with the guy holding his own skin - yucks!

I couldn't help but think about our human vulnerability during the exhibit - we live in fear of death yet we will never really know what it is to be dead...

v for vendetta review

I had been waiting to see this particular film for a long time…being a big fan of Natalie Portman’s and her film choices (except that flick she did with Ashley Judd…UGH). Set in the not-so-distant future (England, to be specific), the film uncovers the ramifications of a totalitarian society marred with deceit and “perfect” security. The setting isn’t a particularly unique one: we’ve seen it in Gattaca, in the terrible The Island, and finally released Children of Men…but Vendetta is unique in its central theme of revenge.

I don't like to ruin plotlines and such, so I will only discuss a few afterthoughts. The title character (the masked man named V), throughout the film, works to uproot the totalitarian government. His actions are intended to arouse in England's people a sense of unity, revive democracy, and wake them from a fear that's haunted them since a "Black Plague" type of epidemic. although those are far from his only intentions, they are an integral part of the film: the idea of choice, integrity, true freedom.

I love this quote:
"Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all that we have. It is the very last inch of us. And within that inch, we are free."

It propelled me to think about how...if we choose to live our lives in a manner that doesn't betray our values and beliefs, we can be liberated from the world's hold. if we choose the difficult path, even in the face of death...we can indeed be free. that's pretty powerful.

anyways...I digress. good movie - watch it...and then we can talk about it.

to be in awe

last night, as I was walking to the clubhouse in my complex, I couldn't help but look up at the sky and stare for a little while. My sister had earlier made the observation that the moon was quite full, which lead me to look at it again once I was outside. (A full moon always makes me a bit nostalgic....I was born on the day of the Mid-Autumn Festival...my mom always said that that's why my head is so big - it looks like the full moon)

As I looked upon the night sky, I began to see the beautiful glittering stars that surrounded the moon...they appeared to be caught in time: standing still for us to see and acknowledge their presence. I began to think: how often do we look up at the world above us? we're so preoccupied with our everyday goings and activities that it's a rare occasion to actually take a breather and look up at the creation that's all around us.

the beauty of the stars and moon are everlasting - giving us a glimpse of of a life beyond the setting sun that will not disappoint; that will not betray. they are symbols of hope in times of turmoil, giving us, the most finite and weak of creatures, a sense of what it might be like to experience heavenly grace.

when I look at the stars, I see someone else...
when I look at the stars, I feel like myself...

childish disappointment

early this morning, I got to thinking about disappointments...especially when it comes to loved ones.
I think it often happens that we put these ginormous expectations on people around us: hoping they would respond emotionally, remember a certain date, and care about you in a particular way. We set up these grandiose notions of love and we expect them to be fulfilled - we make ourselves believe that we are absolutely deserving and create scenarios where we are on the receiving end of every blessing.

and yet...little time is spent on how we can better love others. We mold ourselves to be "receiving beings" rather than "giving beings". And even when we give, we do it with expectations....we love in this amateur and elementary way that requires lots of things in return, and again, we get disappointed when it doesn't happen.

Our notion of love has become so Hollywood-esque, in the hopes that the denouement would always end in the protagonist's favour. Maybe in the real world, the protagonist is not so important at all - the story isn't just all about ME or YOU, but it's one that involves all of us. if we lessen the burden on others to make us happy all the time, then maybe we would begin to understand our minuteness in the greater scheme of things. when we pile god-like expectations on people, we are bound to be disappointed. the flesh and the bone are altogether temporal and bound to falter - so let's quit our whining about the lack of mistletoe love that we want to receive.

and now...a message from butterball.

I never knew that I could really feel this way about anyone
that self-centred, egoistic, and always fallible me,
could be loved by someone as free spirited and joyful as you

you always smile...that grin of yours is ever so sincere
your laughter is electric
it can probably charge a lightbulb or two

I've never felt so much at home as I am with you
you know me inside out, and even all the ugliness in between
and yet you still smile, laugh, and comfort

the past year has taught me how lucky I am to fall in love with you
head over heels
you've showed me how to give without expecting anything back
you've showed me how to be me, even though I am still learning

you will always be my joy and the apple of my eye
with you in my world, I know that I will never be alone

to my sister, my friend, my partner in crime
I love you.