I don't know how lucid I am...

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. - Hebrews 4:12

I'm having a fair bit of trouble writing these days. There are many meaningful things I'd like to talk about, but simply haven't found the time to vocalize them...perhaps Thursday and Friday will be better days. I hope to discuss a little more on what I've been learning in my "Cultural Dimensions of Advertising" class, and also give ya'll an update about the SRO crisis and the Picadilly Hotel.

My soul is tired and I feel it...the days are long, and I don't feel very motivated. There's so much to do at home, at school, and everything else in between - I'm having a difficult time learning to be embraced by God's love. That's a lesson I'm trying to learn as of late - to open my heart for God to love me...knowing that He will not judge and criticize. He has already opened up His arms for me to run into; so what am I waiting for?

My sister has begun calling me "Elaine/Flaine", relating to the Niki/Jessica split personality thing on Heroes. I know that she's completely joking, but I started thinking about it just now, and perhaps I'm a little schizophrenic. A big part of me is the eternal optimist - I believe in the mobilization of the public will, the power of speech and political action, and the butterflies you get in your stomach when someone special meets your eye. However, I can also be very cynical (note my dry humour), and consistently be on the brink of giving up on myself. Those cynical times hit hard when I realize I don't know how to love or be loved.

And so I've been seeking solace in the Word of God...I begin paging through what I had previously scribbled and underlined - trying to find reality amidst the pages. Much of me feels like this is all I've got: all that is true, beautiful, and permanent. At least this way, I feel like I'm swimming in the right direction....

How fortunate I am to have God as my anchor.

"maybe salvation is right where you fell..."

Switchfoot - This is your life

song of the moment...absolutely awesome performance. Enjoy!

oscars 2007

believe me, it was not a particular good night for chinese people. (other than the lady who won best documentary short - good on ya!)

as all of you have heard at this point, The Departed semi-sweeped the awards last night and came out with 4 academy awards (and MANY a shout-out to Leo Dicaprio...who graciously nodded at every turn). I myself quite enjoyed the film, as many of you must have as well...I found it different, definitely more aggressive, and stylistically captivating. Scorsese made it distinctly American (and by American...I really mean...the Irish mafia. Remember the funky Irish hard rock, folks?)...editing was indeed impressive(although I still think 'Children of Men' should have won in that category)...sound/music equally impressive...but dude, NICE WAY OF SHUNNING THE ORIGINAL WHEN YOU WIN THE GOLD.

I find it especially distasteful that William Monaghan keeps getting credited for what a WONDERFUL job he did with the script (which in large part, meant adding a whole heck of a lot of "F***s" to it), but little to no credit is given to Andrew Lau's Infernal Affairs. Many of the pivotal scenes were stolen straight out of the original (think "cat and mouse" chase in the alleys, the rooftop scene and what ensues), and seriously, people from the Academy, GIVE US CHINESE PEOPLE SOME LOVE. The Departed wouldn't have seen the light of day without the Chinese original!

*sigh*.

this ain't my canadian dream

I refuse to be confined by

the contents of my bank account
the phone calls received
the compliments offered

I refuse to be confined by

the courses I've taken
the credentials given
the bookworm I'm assumed to be

I refuse to be confined by

the scars on my body
the unbalanced symmetry
my curves

I refuse to be confined by

the canvas
the word document
the piano
my voice

to be continued...

pictures from CNY

see anything funky about the second picture? Teehee...I shall grant a pat on the back to anyone who guesses correctly.

the times, they are a-changin'

"The Supreme Court of Canada has struck down the security certificate system used by the federal government to detain and deport foreign-born terrorist suspects.
In a 9-0 judgment handed down Friday, the court found that the system, described by the government as a key tool for safeguarding national security, violates the Charter of Rights and Freedoms." - cbcnews.ca

As much as I'm glad about this ruling, I'm also angered by the fact that it took so long. Over the years, we've heard many stories of people who have been detained on the basis of these "security certificates", and kept in legal imbo in prisons near and far. Many are shipped to foreign countries where torture is common practice, such as the case for Maher Arar, who was imprisoned in Syria.

The ruling isn't a magic bullet what is, really), as it has no legal effect until a year from now, in order to give Parliament time to write a new law that would respect constitutional values (part of the Immigration and Refugee Protection Act). It still remains unclear whether the men charged currently (there are five total who are connected to this particular case) will be released or kept in jail during this time. Three of the men are currently held in an immigration facility in Kingston, which has the lovely nickname of "Guantanamo Bay of the North".

Makes you proud to be Canadian, eh?

chinese new year - rehash

chinese new year weekend was a really busy one - and completely not because of chinese new year. take-home midterm, special events, and the likes...
I really wanted Sunday to be just a relaxing day, but since I didn't completely finish my midterm as I intended to, I had to spend some time doing that. And also, I was quite exhausted.
Nonetheless, I went shopping with Mom for groceries - she really went all out. It's kinda funny, I was reminded of the fact that when I was a kid, I would try to sneak in items into the cart without my Mom noticing...and TO THIS DAY, she still lets me do it. Four dishes turned into six dishes - at our house, we never cook the traditional foods, so we decided on the basis on what everyone likes.
included was braised oxtail, "tri-coloured" steamed eggs, you choy (the little ones), my mom's sweet and sour pork (it's the best!)...I'll post the pics once I get home.

It had been so long since we sat around a table as a family, eating together. There's nothing quite like it; it made me feel rooted and complete. That time together reminded me of how safe and fortunate I am to be able to spend time with people I love and to share intimately in their lives.

oh yes...Iris also wants me to tell ya'll about her new song. It is called "Bee in my Brain".
Here's how it goes:
"I've got a bee in my brain, I've got a bee in my brain, I've got a bee in my brain, I've got a bee in my brain..."
And so forth.
Any guesses as to why the song is written like this? ;)

my pledge, on this ash wednesday

maybe we need to live each day, with the aim to forgive

those who alienate us
those who have harmed us, intentionally or unintentionally
those who have not acknowledged our "accomplishments" or "good works"
those who have forgotten our pecularities
those who have not said "I love you"

we need to engage daily with an active forgiveness
a living, breathing forgiveness
one that costs us something more
than empty "I'm sorry's"

we need to love with an open heart
we need to live each day with a willingness to give ourselves up
letting only the mercy and grace of God's embrace fill us

third time's a charm! - switchfoot 2007

every switchfoot concert has its share of exciting/scare your pants off moments:
december 2004 - crushed by mosh (guy fell on my head), broke glasses, lost 2 out of 3 friends for most of the concert
april 2006 - not quite crushed by mosh (but aggresively pushed by desperate 15 year old girls), and got guitarist's pick...an afternoon to treasure!
february 2007 - stood at super strategic location and actually got to greet and "low-five" band members! gasp! it was flippin awesome.

so yes, I've been to my share of Switchfoot concerts. And I never regret it because once they come on, and start leading their fans in songs like "meant to live" and "this is your life" and "stars"...there's just nothing in the world quite like it. as lead singer jon foreman says, it's one of those rare experiences where you're sharing sweat (yes, I know, nasty) but also am finding some odd form of community (which lead him to write "we are one tonight"). life has been so hectic and busy that I had nearly forgotten about the concert, and therefore haven't really been hyped up to attend. I also hadn't been sleeping on saturday and sunday night, and was quite tired in general. however, I must say, this was the BEST SHOW WE'VE ATTENDED SO FAR. they played for an hour and a half (quite exceptional), and never forsake p;aying the songs we love to hear. "learning to breathe" made me a little teary, and "24" still remains so powerful, to this day. highlights are endless: on "shadow proves the sunshine", jon wanders into the middle of the crowd and sings there for the majority of the time...on "amateur lovers", a fan is asked to play the cowbell and gets to keep it, and on american dream, the band freezes in the middle of the song (literally motionless) and then rocks out for us some more. they also have the best transitions ever, and the most recognizable song riffs in the industry (which makes it so fun...cuz people cheer as soon as they know what song it'll be!). jerome, who does synth, is just spectacular...and I LOVED "this is your life" at the end when the song slowly dies away!

the band is exceptional in their love for their fans - and I'm continually in amazement of their craft. there's so much passion for music, for thought-provoking lyricism...and they just keep getting better live (especially jon's voice! it's really grown). it was particularly memorable this time around because I got to actually thank them! and touch their sweaty hands! Muahahha...the little pleasures of life.

"...we were meant to live for so much more..."

SRO crisis in the DTES

Since January 2006, one in five open lodging house rooms located in Vancouver have been sold or put up for sale. The majority of these rooms have been bought by developers. The city's SROs are closing at an alarming rate - just in the past week, folks have been evicted from the Picadilly Hotel (which has 39 rooms, 12 are occupied by low-income residents and the rest are not occupied because welfare has refused to give cheques to tenants who want to rent rooms there).

Dave Eby, a staff lawyer at Pivot Legal Society said:
“Our research with CCAP shows that now, more than ever, City Council must send a strong message to property speculators that low-income buildings will not be converted to market housing until there is a real commitment from our senior levels of government to replace them with social housing...without this commitment, we will see the over 1,000 people who live in these rooms on our streets, and we simply can’t afford that.”

I know there's been a lot of talk about developing the DTES into a "heritage district", similarly to what Gastown has become. Big developers (such as Robert Wilson, who heads many condo projects) have been snatching these hotels like hungry wolves on the prowl for more - in the past year, we've seen 22 hotels change hands and 10 more are up for sale(average cost of $60,000 a room). This form of development is happening without any kind of social housing being built, as said by Dave Eby. City Council was supposed to vote on a moratorium on converting these hotels to anything else than social housing last week, but it keeps getting postponed. I'll update more as I get more information.

Information taken from Pivot Legal Society Newswire & the Carnegie Community Action Project

sharing the hope of God

today, my mom was just talking about how work has been for her these past couple of days. she met a lady from new brunswick who had recently moved to vancouver. as they chatted, the lady shared with my mom that she had yet to make any friends here...and my mom told her, in the bubbliest of ways, I'm sure: "I'll be your friend!". She then invited the lady to come visit her the next time she's at the mall, and have a cup of coffee with her.

I know these stories aren't particularly significant to my mother, but to me, they're precious. For her, it's just how she is naturally: friendly, loving, welcoming. For me, everytime I hear her talk about it, I realize how much I have to learn from her.

funnily enough, "PJ Jr" preached about sharing the hope of God with those around us today. This is one area I have reeeeeaaaal difficulty in, largely because I'm socially inept and also because I'm fearful that the person listening would just laugh at me. I think I have a fairly firm grip on what I believe in, and I have no problem defending the Word of God when the time comes, but I do shy away from stepping forward and just simply share about my personal testimony. I think God is calling me to really put that together...to write down how He's worked in my life - and to be brave about talking about it. It's one thing to defend your religion through persuasive argument (and genuine passion), but it's another to be vulnerable and express God's work in your life.

something to keep me accountable of, invisible blog community!

"One" of my favourite songs...

One
One touch can fill a life of longing
Not much is so much more than nothing
All you need is One
An open smile to win you over
One single step will bring you closer
All it takes is one

And when you're running for cover
And you feel the sky falling down upon you
And when it feels like forever
Since you've seen the face of someone who loves you
Then One is all that you need
All that you need to keep you warm
All that you need to move you...
One

By Tina Dico, definitely the most underrated female singer-songwriter out there currently...are people just DEAF?

my emotional vomit

afraid to face my own fears and inadequacies, I march on bravely
from the backstage to the front stage, from the front stage to the backstage
I continue to perform
this strange and ambiguous production

afraid of failure, I walk by you without acknowledgement
why run the risk when the stakes are so high?
I've built a fortress of lost hopes
because I would never dare to think
that the world is full of possibilities

time and time again
I try to be good
fervently I pray for guidance, for a helping hand in all this mess
but I've realized
my prayers, however genuine, however "right"
will never bear fruit without Holy Anointing
without God's benediction

and in all these things,
I now try to surrender first
so that God may bless
if He chooses to
these hopes I bear inside

caffe artigiano goodness

I've gotten into the bad bad habit of frequenting caffe artigiano on my days @ harbour centre...I swear they must put heroine in their coffee to keep me coming...
I nearly always get an Americano, but today, I simply got drip coffee - thinking that it probably wouldn't compare to the hearty, smooth goodness of the americano...but boy was I wrong! I forget the blend of coffee...it was organic something...but all I can say is that it's truly divine!

I have no beef with this place - all the times I've had brunch there (let's see...had poached eggs before, their cobb salad, veggie panini), I've always enjoyed the food. As well, there is nowhere else in Vancouver where I would willingly consume a latte. (Give or take...I've become cynical with the "fancy" drinks after working at the 'Bucks for so long)

I really love coffee. It's probably one of my weaknesses - there's just nothing like a good cup of joe: smooth, aromatic, and well-balanced. For me, the true test of a coffee is in whether it's pleasurable to drink black - and if it is, I know that all I need is a little cream and it'll be idyllic!
Sometimes, that's all that's necessary to bring me a little peace of mind...

The World According to Charlie Brown

A few quotes from Charlie Brown, to..."brighten" up your day:

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”

"Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you.”

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."

”It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black.”

I always thought Charlie Brown was ahead of his time...=) We would have made good friends!

John Legend, Corinne Bailey Rae, John Mayer @ the Grammy's

Feeling lazy and exhausted last night, I decided to do my reading while having the Grammys on in the background. Most of it was extremely BLAH, but I was quite excited to hear that these three artists were going to be performing together. (I do have all the albums ever made by all of these people...hahaha)

Frankly, I don't think they did very much AT ALL with the three of them...strawberry ball said that for the most part, the artists just served as really expensive background singers.

It was a fabulous putting them together though, especially because John Mayer is a big fan of Corinne Bailey Rae's...and his "guitar decoration" sounded quite nice on "Like a Star" (Which is definitely one of my favourite songs of the year...)Hopefully, next time, the collaboration will be a little more creative=)

fat worm musings

the following takes place between 11am and 12pm.

chocolate ball: dad, do you want some lo bak goh?
fat worm: lei tse gei sek lah (translated: you eat it on your own)
chocolate ball: ok

*pan frying the goh...eating goh*

*30 minutes pass, wormball walks upstairs to dad's room*

wormball: what are you doing?
fat worm: working. tell edmond I want "lun fai lo bak goh ah" (two pieces of turnip cake)
wormball: ok

*walks down the stairs*

wormball: Wei, ah Gor, dad wants "lun fai lo bak goh"!

*strawberry ball is chewing on the last piece*

wormball stares in disbelief.
chocolate ball laughs and puts the un-pan fried lo bak goh on the counter, cursing under his breath.

we love the worm very much, but sometimes he can be very...indecisive. however, he does enjoy buying us bubble tea and sticky rice, and always gives us rides to bus stops and church. occasionally, he splurges and buys chips...even though he yells at us when we purchase some. (he has a pet peeve with overconsumption of sodium)

cheers to the worm!

boundaries

I have a strange fascination with the following topic...haha, at least according to imanim (we discussed this before...on a closing shift, I think? maybe lamegel was there too.)

today, I went up the mountain just to meet up with my fellow group members for our presentation on monday in tutorial. as we finished up and started talking about some other things, the topic of our "hot t.a" came up. (the boy in our group had no opinion whatsoever)
it's been really hilarious because EVERY week, I hear at least 4 comments around me regarding the T.A's hotness. Case in point: I overheard one chick say to her friend: "I can't even concentrate in class! All I do is stare at him..."

That week, we also had a brief trip to the Art Gallery at SFU, and the girls just FLOCKED to him. and when I say FLOCKED, I really mean FLOCKED. It was quite the sight to behold.
Anyways, my fellow group member and I started chatting about this whole phenomenon (she's noticed it too), and she told me about her friend's friend actually slept with T.A's all throughout her university years and that is how she got through school...although I do not know the ACCURACY of this account, I wasn't that surprised and we were both pretty disgusted by the idea. (and also disgusted at the possibility that this was happening in our own class)

I'm just thinking...what are the ethical boundaries? are there actual rules against this type of "relationship"? and most importantly...WHY ARE PEOPLE SO NASTY?

*sigh*

1 Corinthians 13

during my devo time this week, I keep flipping abck to the 1 Corinthians 13 chapter - memorized by many, I'm sure, and often used during wedding vows (blech...)

I read the Message version to the rest of worship team on tuesday night, due to the fact that we'll be talking about "love" on Sunday.
Two of the definitions had us a little puzzled:
"Love doesn't want what it doesn't have" and "Love doesn't fly off the handle"
I decided to compare it to the NLT version to gain some insight:

For the first, the NLT writes that love "doesn't demand its own way". I personally understood it as love not being greedy...not seeking for selfish gain. love means being satistfied about the way things are.

For the second, the NLT writes: "love is not irritable"...hmmm, I guess that's self-explanatory?
does that mean that love isn't supposed to be annoying? cuz sometimes, a lot of the times, I think it is!

I have nothing deep to say about the second one...share an insight if you'd like.=)

suddenly I see...

I've been quite busy these days, and currently, I'm getting very stressed out about the future. Questions like: Will my CGPA be high enough? What if I do really badly on the LSAT? How badly can I do on the LSAT in order to still do ok overall? Is anyone going to hire me? Boiling down to...AM I GOOD ENOUGH?

It's kinda funny...I was all fine and dandy after the pre-law infosession yesterday...but some of the info on the test and entrance scores came back to haunt me today. I started looking at my transcript, converting my GPA, so forth and so forth...

You know I have a tendency to overthink, right? There are some things that can just make me stressed out all over...hopefully, this too shall pass...

ARGH!

my "postmodern" ode to india arie (lyric excerpts from "testimony")

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can't change where you've been, but today, I have the opportunity to choose
I've been learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again

What I found is a lesson of what love really is
Found the game of love is not about how much you can take
In fact authentic love is about how much you can give

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find resolution

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I used to have guilt about why things happen the way they did
‘Cause life is gonna do what it do
And everyday, I have the opportunity to choose.

I choose to be the best that I can be
I choose to be authentic in everything I do
My past don't dictate who I am
I choose…

Because,

There's hope,
It doesn't cost a thing to smile, you don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that

contemplative sundays (they always seem to be...)

it's funny...when I can't write, I resort to poetry...but today, I can't seem to even find the words. I feel such a fragmentation in who I am - it's the tension I think, yet again, between who I am and who I could be.

sometimes, I feel like I'm a little too serious to be taken seriously...if that makes any sense. It's the sensation of fighting for air when everything that surrounds seems to lack it - grasping at the little that's left and finding myself wanting to give up.
this tension, this entrapment, always leads me to my knees. it reminds me to put my hope in God alone and in nothing else...He alone shatters all fears, all anxieties, all uncertainty.

I am still coming to terms with just how much I'm loved by the Lord above, and how to let myself be sheltered by it.

"If we only got one shot, if we only got one life, if time was never on our side, then before I die I want to burn out bright..."

blast from the past - a wormball/butterball collaboration

elaine is really stressed out about school and took a break from it by looking at old family photos with me...
these were the funny observation we made...
1. there are an exceptional amount of pictures with fat worm looking lonely
2. me from age 1-3 looked very pudgy.
3. elaine looked overly excited in many pictures
4. elaine looked distracted and bored in many piano recital pictures-she never looked in the camera or ever smiled (e.g =.='' -.-'' -.-)
5. edmond in gr8 sported the classic aaron kwok hairstyle circa early 90's (elaine wrote this)
6. edmond always wore his "chicago bulls" t-shirt-which was three times his size
7. mom made edmond and elaine wear matching outfits even though he was 12 and elaine was 7
8. elaine always observes the food in the picture first
9. at any party there were always platters and platters of food; mom made siu mai,shrimp toast, apple pie, cookies
10. there are way too many pictures of elaine in her baggy pajamas that look super worn out...

maybe next week, we'll scan some pics for your enjoyment...MAYBE. IF YOU PAY US.

wormball musings

*nose sniffling*

me: you ok?
wormball: I'm making boogers.
me: "..."

someone in our house likes to linger while changing clothes...

*pondering*

wormball: I think we should have a game show.
me: what would it be called?
wormball: we'll call it...*game show voice* - "why don't you....PUT YOUR PANTS ON!" (with the same intonation as "THE PRICE IS RIGHT" )

my sister is hilarious.