finding the silver lining

i'm fully capable of writing a really depressing entry, but what fun would that be? i'm currently going through a period of self-doubt...and general doubt about...nearly every area of my life. let us however...get into some better things...and so i thought i would list some of my favourite things.

1) dreaming lucid dreams that are very close to reality...being able to feel that temporary sense of security....
2) playing maggiemarket games! facial house & the new tea one...
3) enjoying my short maple americano misto (mmm...yumyum)
4) reading "the daily foot" on switchfoot.com - they journal everything going on with the tour
5) reading michka assayas' (sp?) "in conversations with bono"...i cried during chapter 1. Yep, ladies and gentlemen....I cried that early. (bono was discussing his childhood...his father's death and lack of a maternal presence in his life.)
6) unexpected hugs from unexpected people ( i do like them hugs!)
7) eating pizza and pumpkin pie on a friday night talking about the most mundane things in the world ("it's cold out, eh?"..."yeah, i'm wearing my gloves") with lovely people
8) jamming with people who are as crazy as you are about the same music
9) seeing your sister grow up to be even cuter than before
10) having frugal unplanned lunches with dad on wednesdays just because he knows i'm tired after a long 7 hour morning shift. i find peace in our conversations...as painful as they may be in subject matter sometimes, and as much as i've cried during those times. (you cannot name a chinese food court that i haven't cried in!)

p.s thanks for the comments ppl...i do love reading them and i appreciate your insight=)

stuck in the miry clay

i'm labelled as an "eternal optimist".
a friend recently asked me whether i rely on my heart more or my mind more when it comes to relationships, and i think, without a doubt, i answered "heart". i'm not the most rational of people...kind of an irony because i love to overthink.
i've been contemplating the phrase "if you love something, let it go"...how true is that? lately, i've been finding myself "letting go" of certain things/people that I love...which is actually something that's very very difficult for me. (refer to me being the eternal optimist) i've been making an effort at it because i have this fear that these people/things will eventually disappoint me...therefore i should "lighten the load", so to speak, off myself. to love something doesn't mean possessing it...and yet another part pulls at me, telling me to make a better effort...to not give up the fight even if it means scarring myself hard. is love letting go or rather, is it a fearless abandonment of all the embarrassing and scary things that might happen if you keep at it?

(not necessarily a rhetorical question...answer if you'd like)

p.s watched ron sexsmith perform on some talk show (vicki gabereau..i think) and was completely astonished. he was just so beautiful singing to his piano-playing...it really captivated me. might run out to buy the album.

once and again

"maybe that's what love does to you...it opens you up, changes you, and there is always more."