scattered thoughts on death

I am currently working through joan didion's "the year of magical thinking", which is a biography/memoir of sorts with her reflections on the death of her husband and her daughter's illness.

I had never previously really thought about the difference between grief and mourning until I read a certain passage from her book. I guess for most people (at least me), the emotions and feelings felt after a loved one's death is simply a blur - one big smudge. didion mentions that grief is the experience of sadness, while mourning demands something of us. in that way, mourning is the act of working through grief....which is much more difficult.
one of the ways in which we are prevented from mourning is the belief that that person will come back. she speaks about her difficulty in giving away his favourite sneakers - she rationalizes keeping them because he might one day come back. it just didn't feel right.

how strange and frightening that everything could change in one instant...how little time we spend contemplating our physical vulnerability. how strange and frightening that we live with little reflection of death and our lack of control in the matter...