Pills - The Perishers

I hope my smile can distract you, I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show, and you’ll never know
I hope my love can blind you, I hope my arms can bind you
So you’ll never have to see, what we’ve grown to be

One may think we’re alright, but we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day, we’re not ok
One may think we’re doing fine, but if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day, we’re not ok

But that’s one thing I would never, one thing I would never, that’s one thing I would never say to you...

to vent or not to vent...

i feel so out of place.
my feet are sore...they truly hurt, and i can see the calluses growing.
i worked too much this week, i can feel it. and WHY, WHY, do we have to be so friggin busy? I know it's sunny and all, but...don't come to starbucks in crowds! I tried my very best however, to not be angry...cuz no one deserves to be met with anger...but at one point, i actually semi-yelled out: "give me a damn sharpie!"(to write down drinks)
I'm either at school or at work...and trying to squeeze in cooking, cleaning, and studying in between. Not to mention grocery shopping. (You would have paid to see me carrying two large bags of fruits and veggies from kin's farm onto the 401)
Can't a girl wake up at the hour she wants and make her family buttermilk pancakes? That's all I want to do...and stock the fridge? Go for a walk with the wombat? Maybe, maybe, even lunch with a friend? And dare I say, go out for a drive? (seriously.) *sniff*...SFU and Starbucks, give me my life back!

My only relaxing day this week was Monday, and that was borderline relaxing. Went out with Ms. Hsiao to visit many many Starbuckses...to get a fellow co-workers "goodbye card" signed by her friends...it was nice just going around and spending a careless morning. We ended up spending time @ Aberdeen Starbucks just hanging out (getting "free" water and sampling stuff)...always good times there.=)

Sigh...I just needed to vent a little...and share, I suppose. Hope ya'll are doing well out there in cyberworld.

je te manques...les jours sont plus en plus vides sans toi...
j'aimerais vivre dans l'eternite des memoires...

p.s props to yvonne for the correction...my bad! and...excuse my poor french.

a fart of the heart variety...

do you remember me?
i've stolen a glance or two of you
maybe three, four, or five
memory tries to forget
what is not self-serving, frivolous

i hesitate as you glance at me
my eyes close
shut

the staccato of your steps
click-clock, tickety tock
syncopated, uneven, a beat and half

they are my melody
rhythm without sound
time signatures gone awry

but i think you have forgotten
or was there ever something to forget
is someone else now glancing back, and listening to your tickety-tock steps?

la vie, c'est comme un oiseau sans ailes
sans toi, mon oiseau est incapable de vole

random thoughts on a tuesday

As I was rummaging through some old CDs, i stumbled upon a burned CD that reads: "Grad 2004 - M.F"...having no clue what it was about, I popped it into my computer. It actually contained a bunch of pictures of...you guessed it..."M.F". Mark Fellowship.=)

Looking at the pictures just aroused a lot of memories...it's strange how random memories can conjure up different feelings: hopeful ones, sad ones, and silly ones...
Due to the fact that in the past year, I felt I had made the age jump from 18 to 30...those pictures looked really unfamiliar to me...the spontaneity of it all, you know?
Memories of feeling shy and insecure, lost and alone at times...it's funny that no matter how much we grow, we are still broken and shattered in one way or another.
and yet...maybe that's the beauty of it...the brokenness keeps our flesh alive, we live because we experience death little by little, and in that fight, we strive to stand up even though we've been beaten down.

oh yes...I had a small epiphany on the bus the other day:
pain keeps us relevant. imperfections keep us real. the suffering we bear reminds us to be compassionate. the thorn in the flesh, is in fact blessing.

Oh, the irony.

As I was reading my last post from a few weeks back, I realize that...maybe I've found some personal answers to those questions I myself posed.

"Are we too blinded by wanting to wage our mistletoe at every potential candidate?Why are we so scared of being alone?"

To my familiar stranger: Last night, I met someone who used to be important to you...and although I do not know her, I found her to be a reminder for me. A light, if you will, to show me what was wrong with my head. You are sweet, and kind, and almost wonderful even...but I know nothing of you. What I know of you is what I hope you are, what I wish you to be if you were to become less of a stranger. And so, I must let my foolishness go...even if your sweetness, kindness, and almost wonderfulness nearly makes up for every impossibility that poses itself between us.