limbo? purgatory?

for the past week or so, I've had the chance to really do nothing...and it's gotten me thinking about how much I'm dependent on productivity and busy schedules to measure my self-worth. It's weird to suddenly stop and realize...hey, I really don't have much going on in my life...is that ok? Am I a failure?

I'm usually of the sort that has her agenda fairly laid out and filled - there is always more reading, more studying, more grocery shopping, more cleaning - and I feel almost a little helpless in my position right now...vulnerable.

I'm obviously still working through this...the feeling of vulnerability, not knowing what my summer will look like and hold. in other ways, this is liberating...because who knows what God may have in store? I'm starting to come to terms with the "void", as it's giving me more time to reflect on my relationships, passions, and what kind of person I want to be. I have to admit though, I also feel a bit exasperated...like I'm grasping at air.

work around your abyss - henri j.m nouwen

There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes. Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.

My Reflection: Sometimes, I just want to fall into despair and sulk...and other times I preoccupy myself with tasks in order to avoid the thought of it. The thing is, this abyss is what I create for myself. When Christ died on the cross, He already filled the gap, he's already given me meaning to live. Grace has created a path for me...my feelings of inadequacy and incompletion come only from a place where I have failed to recognize Christ as Redeemer of all of me.

One Book, One Vancouver

When I learned that Ruth Ozeki was short-listed for "One Book, One Vancouver"(an event held by VPL yearly - a Canadian book gets chosen and lots of events happen around it), I was THRILLED...in a way that you couldn't wipe the smirk on my face (a happy smirk), because she is most definitely one of my favourite authors ever. She, for lack of a better word, is SO COOL.

She has this way of blending fiction and non-fiction beautifully - her works help people reflect not only on what she chooses thematically, but also in the way that it questions the truth claims of non-fiction and how we conceptualize "reality" with literature and film (she is also a documentary filmmakers). Her book "My year of meats", which is my personal favourite, has been chosen this year and I'm more than ecstatic about being able to attend readings and book discussions. This is quite a cool thing that VPL does, and I remember a lot of fabulous learning opportunities that arose with the choice of Joel Bakan's The Corporation a couple of years ago (do pick that up too if you haven't already...it's an amazing book). I can't wait! Wee!

The concept behind MYOM is focused on a program called "My American Wife" which features the “wife of the day” (27) in her kitchen, exhibiting the warmth of her home and introducing the audience to “the meat of the week” (27), deliciously prepared with American flair and aimed to seduce Japanese housewives into integrating meat into their daily meals. The program was advertised to Japanese audiences as an authentic look into life in the U.S. A falsified concept of the American Dream is used to lure consumers: “if you eat American meat, you too can become American”. The central character is Jane Takagi-Little, who struggles with her hybridity (Japanese mother, American/Caucasian father), as she goes around the U.S finding different housewives for the program. Meanwhile, she discovers the questionable practices of the beef company (BEEF-EX, which sponsors the program) and meets a series of people who have been harmed by the meat industry.

The book is much more complicated than my explanation - it not only raises important issues regarding food consumption and the politics of globalization, but it is also inevitably about identity formation and coming to terms with our own "hybridity". as a chinese-canadian woman, I can relate very well to what it feels like to be torn between cultures, and in many ways between gender as well (having to be more traditionally feminine, in respects to chinese culture). It's about being comfortable in your own skin - even if it feels like a whole different shade than anybody else. It strives to ask: What does it mean to be ethnic? What does it mean to be a woman?

I hope I haven't completely shunned the male population reading this...haha...please, please, look into getting a hold of the book. It will change your life.

perceptions (part 2 of 3)

the halls are like
an old acquaintance of years gone by
it is awkward to meet again
yet familiar all the same

alphabetized wings that I no longer recognize
have not aged at all
although I assumed they would

what I remember most
are the moments of mutual excitement
awaiting the results of yet another essay or video contest
and being surprised at every turn
winning never felt so good

spare blocks were the best
and the luxury of a car (not mine of course)
always meant we could eat lunch out
sushi, parker place food
whatever we wanted that day

thank God for friends
who still remain to this day
some of the most amazing people I know
you are my "untitled" heroes

the long days of filming
songwriting, jamming
fundraising
editing, lots of editing
were more than worthwhile

thank you for the abundance of funny, sad, joyful memories
may we continue to be a source of encouragement in each other's lives

let your heart speak, words unwritten before
let your heart speak, lines true to who you are

Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire

I don’t think a music video has ever made me cry – except for this one. It does an amazing job of bringing to light how divided our world has become, the discrepancies between the world’s richest and poorest – and what demands to be done in the name of justice. I was watching segments of “American Idol Gives Back” last night, and was just struck by the gap that exists between what is said and done for the global poor…and how easy it is to feel smug about it once we’ve contributed in some way. I mean, Exxon Mobil pimping themselves in the name of dying children in Africa? I don’t know about you but…the irony of that drives me INSANE. Are they not ashamed by the blood on their own hands?

However, I refrain from being cynical. Every little bit helps, no matter how large the contribution. What I hope is that from there on, there will be a strength of will that carries through…

relationship advice from the wormball - a 12 year old's perspective

butterball: want to help me blog?
wormball: mmm...what about?
butterball: *unfolds invisible banner with hands*..."we shall call it 'relationship advice with the wormball'"

1) don't like a person who never hangs out with the opposite gender
2) do not call a friend to talk about your love life without previous consent (most of the time, the person on the line JUST DOESN'T CARE)
3) be friends with the person like
4) spend time with the person you like with other friends so that you can get to know each other more
5) if you don't want a guy to like you, then don't be too friendly and never tease that person unless you actually mean it and want them to get out of their life (only spaz, don't tease flirtateously)
6) if the person you like makes fun of you in a friendly way, do not react stupidly (such as stepping on their toes...literally)
7) don't tell many people about your crushes - only tell those who are 100% trustworthy
8) don't let your love life affect your school life - a: your parents will not be happy with you, b: you'll piss off your smart friends (and you want to keep them!)

*burp*

competing noise

Game 7, for me, was spent in the halls of the Orpheum, listening to the awe-inspiring Vancouver Symphony Orchestra and pianist Stephen Hough (who was fabulous playing Brahms! Wow...such physical diligence). Tickets were bought before the knowledge of Game 7's existence...but we were definitely reminded of the presence of Canucksmania all around downtown nonetheless. It was really the most ironic of experiences, sitting in the Orpheum enjoying classical music while the Canucks' battle to enter the second round of playoffs was going on...the conductor even mentioned at the beginning of the performance that there's probably another score that we cared more about right now...(and later informed us of it when it was final - very considerate! the crowd roared!)

During intermission, koosters and I were discussing whether high art such as this would die in 50 years...will people still pay and show up to these performances of Brahms, Haydn, and Smetana? Will a musician still be able to make a living out of playing classical music? We didn't come to any conclusion, didn't want to be determinists after all, but I think we were both fearful that this form of art is really not getting the exposure to younger generations as it should. This thought became particularly noticeable in my mind during the Haydn piece as the roaring of Canucks madness could be heard a tad too well within the concert halls. The well-articulated, precise, and heart-pounding sounds of the symphony were competing with the rampant noise on the streets, and it seemed so much to be a battle between "high culture" and "low culture"....I couldn't help but giggle to myself. However, I also really kind of despise the labels we put on different forms of culture...what I deem to be important is the ability to observe beauty within them. Can Linden's goal in the third be considered beautiful? I'd say Yes. Is the acoustic resonance of a piano, played by the gifted Stephen Hough beautiful? Undoubtedly Yes.

Anyways, I digress. (And I can't help but feel like I'm building an argument...and considering how many arguments I've been reading...I'm actually thinking through the following in my head: What's my main point? What are the premises? What are the assumptions?)

it's always the little moments...

as much as I often disregard the little moments as being mere decoration to the so-called "life-changing" moments, I'm growing to be more appreciative of the former.

1) the clear skies and amicable weather helps me remember how God shines in the light (and not only in darkness!)
2) jogging by the dyke helps me break free from "worldly" pressures
3) shopping for a potted plant to take care of helps me discover the beauty of nurturing something
4) sharing a meal with family and/or friends helps me remember the importance of being involved the lives of those I love - and how much these people matter to me
5) praying - the practice of recognizing my own weaknesses and coming to God with empty hands...knowing that I can only be alive in His hands (heee....a rip of a particular song; gold star if you know it)

alrighty...my brain is fried. shall write more soon!

The Office: Playing Dwight Schrute is...Jim Halpert?

This just flat out made my day...if you don't watch The Office, what's wrong with you?

Hahaha....I heart Jim!

I see God in...Fight Club?

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God dammit, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.”

so, after going on a diatribe about how Hollywood is trying to cash in on spirituality, I'm hoping to bring in some insight from...the less obviously "spiritual" movies. I know most of you are going to think I'm insane by using Fight Club as an example, but I really do think it brings to light some pretty poignant insights about our culture...

I won't go into plot detail at all - you can find that out on your own, no doubt - but what I do want to say is that the film showcases the dark side of North American consumer culture so well. Our obsession with self-help programs that "empowers" the individual above all else, new age, and simulacra...have rendered us spiritually disabled. of course, the film takes an extremist course, everything about is extreme and borderline ridiculous...but it's almost like the narrative is laughing back at us saying: "don't you recognize yourself in all of this? you're just as guilty as I am".

although it doesn't go into great investigation as to why we've become so disconnected of meaning and purpose in our lives, it is still a relevant and deeply disturbing view into the darkness of our own souls - and plus, brad pitt and edward norton are just awesome in it...it's probably safe to say that this film turned the former from "pretty boy" to "serious actor".

do check it out if you haven't already. =)

done already?

it's so strange to be done so quickly - I had three take-home final exams (which I've decided I do not enjoy) and one optional final exam that I took anyway (go figure).
my summer is a bit up in the air, but I won't go into details here. if you want to know, you can ask me! (part of my new blogging "rule")

It's been a fantastic semester...and I kinda wish it didn't all have to end so soon.

I was looking at my transcript the other day and reflecting on these past few years @ SFU, and I truly have no regrets in picking the program that I'm in. It's helped me grow as an individual, DEFLOWERED MY WRITING, and put me in touch with some pretty amazing people. I still remember taking my first semester courses with koosters and how nervous we were getting our first assignments back...haha, we thought we were doomed for sure! nowadays, getting assignments back no longer generates the same excitement. it's kinda strange actually, when we first started off, a group of us (from high school) were always together - carpool, ya know - but we see each other less now due to diverging schedules. my hope is that in the next while, before I graduate, we'll be able to spend those times together again. downtown lunches were such a treat...(on my own, I just go to the salad loop/tim hortons downstairs...)

edit: almost forgot! hahaha...snerk...you caught me! I didn't even think twice about "jem/gem".

rest in peace

I still remember when Columbine happened
how north america froze right in its tracks
in sheer horror
of the violence, the intent, the loss

I remember thinking
these are kids just like me
who go to school just like me
who think about how to spend the day after the last bell rings
just like me

perhaps it is hard for us to contemplate
the barrel of a gun
when it is not staring in our face

but on a day like this
how can you or I not spend a moment
to consider
how we've become so enculturated in violence?

on a day like today
how can you or I not grow angry
at the lax laws that govern the use of firearms?

to the many who are suffering today
I pray that the skies of mercy will bless you with the healing
to endure
may the love of God enfold you.

expectations

The field of journalism has always interested me because it embodies all my interests. A career in this domain pertains to my love for writing, my desire to uncover the various cultures of the world, and my sense of curiosity. In the future, I would like to travel and uncover millions of stories untold, whether they involve politics, the economy, or are humanistic accounts. Simon Fraser University can assist me in achieving these goals because the Communication program available covers a gamut of topics that are critical to an aspiring journalist’s success. I hope to bridge the gap between the global community and the average home, by bringing the Canadian public writing that is fresh, tangible, and also informative. This program can supply me with the resources that I need to comprehend the intricacies that lie embedded within culture, politics, and technology, while still leaving me room to utilize my imagination.

Oh me oh my...I stumbled upon this little jem today. I think it was the letter I wrote for my entrance scholarship? Anyways...it's kinda interesting to look and see what was going through my head at the time. It's quite hilarious because I'm no longer all that interested in doing journalism (at least not for any of the large media companies in Canada)...but I do love news analysis! I believe I went into Communications with completely different expectations, and I'm coming out (or will be, soon enough) with my perspective on life changed. I also realize that I cannot write fiction. And back in high school, my writing was SUPER FLOWERY. I'm so embarrassed about it now that I myself cannot read most of those essays (I'm sorry poe...but I don't think you'll ever get to read that YWCA paper!). I'm so much more at ease with my writing now...mostly cuz it doesn't have to be touchy feely.

anyways...it's always humbling to read what i've written in the past. I'm going to go dig myself a hole now!

edit: snerk, I haven't seen the movie yet...largely because I heavily dislike billy bob thornton.=)

an intermission - my thoughts on 'friday night lights'

before I write my part 2 on "selling jesus" - what I intend to do is shed some light on what I think are movies that make us reflect on the cross/our lives as Christians, but may never be "categorized" as such - anyways...that's still coming along. I'm also wanting to share at some point some thoughts on what I've learned in my documentary media class, but since I only just finished writing the exam...I'm a bit exhausted from talking about it.

meanwhile, I'd like to talk a bit about 'friday night lights', a new NBC show this season starring Kyle Chandler (he used to have this show where he would get the next day's paper? and he would try to prevent the "bad things" from happening? anybody remember?) and Connie Britton (Jack's girlfriend while he was in hiding - mother of season 5's "ridiculously stupid teen"), set in small-town Dillon, Texas. And as you might realize from the title, it's about football. High-school football to be exact.

Now ya'll know I'm quite the TV junkie - I had to cut down this year just cuz...I didn't have the time! Currently I still watch Heroes (on hiatus though), Lost, Veronica Mars (also on hiatus...damn you Pussycat Dolls!), and House. And The Office. Although sitcoms shouldn't really count! *Sigh*...I feel like a loser admitting to all this...but, TOO BAD. SO I LIKE TV...KILL ME.=)

the last thing I needed was another show. SERIOUSLY. no no, SERIOUSLY. I've already rejected the many times friends have offered to lend me DVDs of Battlestar Galactica on the basis of: "no way I'm getting hooked!". but I've been reading and hearing so much about FNL that I just had to see for myself...

and boy did I love it. I even cried. and the damn show is about FOOTBALL.

you have to understand that my knowledge of football is extremely limited - definitely not a sport I feel I could watch and converse in adequately. but that didn't matter because FNL is all about the heart and soul of this town - its people, who love football, who live on football - and how they grow, how they struggle...and it all just hits home in the right amount. there's the underdog who gets the opportunity of a lifetime, the new coach who has the pressure of the whole town to bring this team to the state championships, the star player who has to begin life all over again - and I know at this point you're thinking: "Gosh darn, that sounds awful cheesy". But the thing is...the show is so exceptionally written that these characters, who could easy be two-dimensional, come to life without it seeming like they're trying too hard. I also deeply love the fact that the canvas of Texas that the writers/producers paint is one that isn't unlike any other community - watching the show almost ridicules me and my stereotypes of "small-town Texas".

Ultimately, I think the show is about the universality of human struggle...it's about vulnerability...and it's about waking up to life when you least expect to. it's also about community, about brotherly/sisterly love, and strangely, about God...and football.

I hope I've sparked your interest! To add to how beautiful this show is...it's filmed on location and Peter Berg has a way with the camera that's so natural that the realism speaks for itself. it's frakkin' brilliant, to say the least.

selling jesus

After reading this article, I began to think about my own sentiments regarding the surge of Christian mainstream media in recent years. Undoubtedly, as the author indicates, The Passion of the Christ grossed $370 million...and that's a LOT of money. Production companies are jumping at the opportunity to make the next Passion: it's easy access to one of the largest target markets in North America.

This makes me feel uneasy.

I hope I don't offend anyone, and feel free to state your opinion as well, but I think it's disgusting when churches allow the larger than life posters to put on their walls, to have booths set up in the lobby advertising the movie (and OH YES, that has been done). Isn't that frighteningly reminiscent of a certain passage in the Bible?

This concept of "spirit-based entertainment" is only flourishing...Lee Strobel's series have been plucked up, and some Max Lucado books as well. The big idea? Touched by an Angel on the big screen! Preferably sappy! And most definitely IRRELEVANT to most people!
Part of my big peeve about this is how LAZY it is. Sure, it's easy to just take a bunch of films and label them Christian - kinda like, "Hey Church, here are some goody two shoes movies I'm sure you'd like! Let me sell them to you! Hey...maybe you can even PREACH about it."
It's supposed to be some easy way to navigate our culture...serving to individualize our needs....customizing for us so we don't even have to try and see what interests us. More and more, we have become segmented as a society...separated by religion, race, sex...and we have our entertainment spoon-fed to us.

I'm out of breath now - part 2 tomorrow. I promise it'll be less angry and depressing.

stream of consciousness

I really don't know how rational this post will be, dear reader, so do bear with me. I'm deeply angry and frustrated at the moment and all I can think of that could potentially make me feel better is by expressing it. Who said writing isn't therapeutic?

FYI, I'm also quite caffeinated. Cuz if I wasn't, I wouldn 't even try to express my anger at all. I would just slam my head into my pillow and yell...and that might turn into crying...and then I might cough up the courage to just SUCK IT UP.

I hate the idea of going to bed angry...one should be able sleep peacefully at night. I also hate the idea of being angry for really stupid reasons. In which you know that you are being completely UNREASONABLE. Because dear reader, if you are angry with someone and don't even try to communicate it to them, then how can you expect them to figure out that you're feeling awfully sucky?

I can feel the irrationality burgeoning within me again. One of my favourite teen movies ever is "10 Things I hate about you", which I think is deliciously hilarious and quirky. You know, the one with Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger before they were ever famous? It also had the dude from 3rd Rock, and Alex Mack! ALEX MACK! Teehee.
The movie is a loose interpretation of Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew", and at the very end of the film, Julia Stiles reads a poem she wrote in anger (thus, the title)...I thought I might want to take a crack at her format...

I hate the way you never fall apart
Unlike me, who is constantly on the brink of self-destruction
I hate your stupid smile
and the fact that it's almost always sincere
Unlike me, who can barely hold it together to express any form of happiness
I hate my own anger
and my inability to express it

gah. this is the point where I realize that this is so ridiculous. And therefore I shall not even finish this poem. I think it's time to pray...my stupid interpretation of that poem sounds like an Avril Lavigne song. and THAT is not a good thing.

Awakening - Switchfoot

Is it possible to love these guys even more? Apparently it is=) *Swoon*

Buster from Arrested Development (aka Tony Hale)...it could not get more awesome than that.

on poetry

the older I get (hold your snickers), the more I realize the importance of honesty in one's craft...the artists (whether filmmakers, musicians, or writers) that I'm inspired by are all people who write with their hearts on their sleeves...not in the terribly cheesy way, but in the sense that they are self-aware and not afraid of confronting their own thoughts and feelings.

I've been thinking about my own writing as well...and I've also come to realize that practice is an essential part of being a good writer. Scribbling down odd thoughts here and there, and not letting laziness get in the way...=) I think my dad still secretly wants me to write for a living (in one form or another), but I don't know...I simply don't have the clairvoyance to know exactly what I want to do.

Time is inevitably precious...I'm finding it increasingly important to love carefully (but generously) and to love well.

I wrote some more poetry yesterday, but didn't want to share it all...so I'll just include a short excerpt. It came to me as I passed by a coffee shop yesterday.=)

What the heart desires
Are the moments that go unappreciated in time
Of stolen bites of food
The sometimes reluctant “Yes, that looks just fine”
And the foolish disagreements along the way...

easter meanderings

mighty, awesome, wonderful
is the holy cross
where the lamb laid down his life
to lift us from the fall
mighty is the power of the cross (Chris Tomlin)

Grace finds beauty in everything, grace finds goodness in everything
grace, a thought that changed the world (U2)

your blood speaks a better word
than all the empty claims I've heard upon this earth
stands in my defence,
jesus, it's your blood...(Matt Redman)

as these songs awake
on this easter morning
I'm left dumbfounded
silently in awe of Your sacrifice

i'm flustered and incoherent
how can I even fathom the greatness of your love
and your mercy?
it overflows the oceans
it ruptures all earthly boundaries
you have overcome
every weakness, every pain, every sin

all I can do
is stand amazed in the light of Your glory
and to lift up what I so selfishly and foolishly regard as my own
every choice, every achievement, every breath

how can I honour You?
how can I serve Your will?
how can I live my life as an overflow of your love?

I ask only
that Your death and resurrection
be the centre of my everyday
may each sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday
and friday and saturday too
be filled with the thought of Your unconditional, all-encompassing grace

a grace that changed the world.

wormball musings - easter edition

wormball (WB): I don't think I like ______ anymore.
butterball (BB): Why?
WB: He got a haricut.
BB: "..."
WB: It's not the same anymore!
BB: It's not all about looks, you know
WB: I KNOW! I noticed that when I was in Grade 5 and I liked ____! He was SO UGLY! HE HAD ACNE!
BB: *uncomtrollable laughter*

*entering richmond public market...we both notice a mass of green beans on the ground and pause to look*
[2 seconds later]
WB and BB (in unison): FREE BEANS!!!!
*we truly are related!*

When I anger my sister, she now is in the habit of saying:
WB: I'M GONNA PUT YOU ON MY TOAST!

my soul, my soul, must sing...

for some people, it's scents; for others, food; but for me, what helps me remember the most about the past are songs. I thought about this on Tuesday night, and realized just how dearly I hold on to music as a vehicle to memories. It's all very specific as well...the songs have to be played in a certain manner (and if they are wrongly played, it actually causes me emotional distress)....so thank God many of the songs I'm about to list are recordings=)

1) Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden
Remember your first school dance? The awkwardness, the sweaty hands, the bad punch? That's exactly what I think when I hear this song. Slow dancing was such an "exciting" thing, and girls would anxiously await the boys to ask them. Of course, we totally didn't know how to actually dance...so it was more waddling than dancing.

2) I Love You - Sarah McLachlan, I miss you so much - TLC
First "heartbreak". Enough said!

3) Anything Spice Girls
I was a pretty hardcore fan. I knew their first and second album by heart! If you ask me to sing "2 Become 1" (My friends and I so did not know what this song was ACTUALLY about), or "Stop", I'd still be able to do it. And I still remember the choreography to "Stop", embarrassingly enough.

4) Take a bow - Madonna
Lucia! Do you remember our "obsession"? Hahahahhahahaa...you know when you like a song only because someone else likes it? This is a prime example of that. I still smile when I think about that person...and laugh at my own silliness.

5) Someone to call my lover - Janet Jackson
Long rides in the car with the guitar riffs sticking to the corners of my mind.

6) Take my life and let it be, Humble King
These songs always put me in a reflective mood. They are songs that I hold dearly to in my heart, and if I close my eyes, I can still sense the pulsating piano, hear our voices crying out and echoing. With the latter, I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach and the heat of my cheeks blushing...as it was my first solo (Remember PJ? Teehee!).
Everytime I hear these songs, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have friends who have shared and passed on their love of worship to me. The music lives on...

surveillance in the digital age

not well-known enough fact:
google keeps track of your IP address and the records of what you've searched for (through their server logs)...they are legally allowed to keep this information until 2038 (that's when the cookies expire).
personal information (as on amazon) is used to "customize content" for you...meaning, individualizing the advertisements according to what they know about you.
In essence, what you search for and what you write (gmail) is then sold back to you through specialized advertisements. this is beneficial, obviously, because google gets ad revenue when people click-through links.

I know I've completely simplified this issue...I'd be happy to hear whether this affects your thoughts on the media company and whether this tracking would deter you from using Google services.

And oh yes, I encourage you to read their "privacy policy"!
(this is so oddly ironic as blogger is owned by google)

confessions of a sleep-deprived student

isn't it funny that students discover a whole new appreciation for sleep once exam period starts?
it's particularly funny for me because each term, I chastize (sp?) myself for being a retard and finishing things up last minute (thank God I've gotten rid of the habit of writing things the day before they're due...I've moved on to editing on the night before), and yet I commit these academic sins again and again.

Due to the influx of excruciatingly long papers, I have discovered the ability to function on a couple of hours sleep. However, I can only run on this type of pattern for so long...on Sunday, I just collapsed in sheer exhaustion. And disgust. Of my own writing. But alas, it is over temporarily and I get a few days rest (which means more studying! I actually don't mind that for a change...). I have fallen in love all over again...with sleep. I cherish the moments before I nod off where I get the chance to reflect a little, and to pray - thinking upon the day's events and whether they've been meaningful. I also cherish those few seconds as I wake up, when for a moment, my mind is completely blank and without memory of pain or joy. it's just this neutral place in time where I can just "be".

Anyways. Off to school. Toodles!

quarter to forever - tina dico

It was a mild and lively evening at the end of May
I had gone out for one quick coffee at the corner cafe
I must have looked a little tense and overworked I guess
Cuz this old man leaned in and said:

"My darling, what's the stress? Come sit, come have a moment's rest, your work is nothing worth unless, your mind is calm and clear and at its best"

He went on,

"To everyone who's running faster everyday, he said
To everyone who's not found peace and independence yet
and to everyone who thinks that life is worth a head or two
Who believes the better day awaits as soon as they get through these busy years of things to do
This wall of greedy cynics too who persuade them to give up their dreams too soon

Take your time.
It's a quarter to forever right now
Take your time
It's a quarter to forever now

To everyone who thinks that love was just a dream they had
Who thinks tomorrow and the future's nothing new to add
To everyuone who's watched their hopes run out and slam the door
And to everyone who still don't know what they're looking for, found it and dropped it on the floor
Whose hands and arms have grown so sore from holding on to what once was

Take your time.
It's a quarter to forever right now
Take your time
It's a quarter to forever now

The Birds

some of you (i'm thinking of you, snerk!)find great joy in laughing at me for my fear of birds...(funny sounds come out of my mouth when I see them) and today, I present to you the reason for my fear. after watching hitchcock's "the birds", I developed a phobia for this species...and really, can you blame me? they peck children!!!

speaking of hitchcock, I'm hoping to purchase a collection of his films for fat worm soon. it's one of the few things that we both share great interest in, and I'm looking forward to re-watching of those films that were introduced to me in my childhood again.