speechless

I've never wept out of happiness before...so today is most definitely a first. :)

love isn't made - jon foreman

in celebration of spring and to new beginnings...

An hour ago
I felt so low
I almost drowned
Driving around this messed up town

It's pretty,
It's only I felt so lonely
And I knew all night
I'd never find a face
That could understand
How much I miss you now

So I arrive
At the conclusion
Love isn't made
Love doesn't sell or pay
But we buy and sell
Our love away

Escape to the water
And stare up at the stars and moon and sky

I was lying on my back
With my fingers in the sand
Alone in Miami
It sounds so funny
And yet here I am

It's funny how life is seldom what you plan

Don't let the panic bring you down
Don't let the panic bring you down
Don't let the panic bring you down
Love isn't made

How could we have let this go?
How could we have almost lost it all?
How had we forgotten
Love isn't made

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...

- Alexander Pope

easter hotpot feast

toasty hot cross bunny

the west wing - prelude

there's probably few things as annoying as hearing someone talk about a TV show that you don't watch, but heck, this is my blog and I don't care!

before I go into a more in-depth look at why I loved the west wing so much, I wanted to just highlight a few notable things about the show.

for those who don't know, TWW ran for seven seasons (2000-2006)and was essentially the most critically acclaimed series on mainstream television in its time. It starred Martin Sheen as the POTUS, a man of far more integrity and morality than any President in my lifetime, and about the daily goings and outings of the West Wing. In its seven seasons, the show dealt with its fair share of military (North Korea, the Middle East were prominent storylines) crises, political/diplomatic crises, and emotional crises of the staff that I grew to love, sometimes hate, but ultimately love.

On a very general level, what made the show so amazing is that it made American politics (the behind the scenes) real and tangible and VISUAL. aaron sorkin and thomas schlamme worked out this amazing technique of the "walk and talk", which suits the show with such great ease (scenes were constantly on the move - a perfect match to the syncopation of the dialogue). it inspired me, made me cry, and more importantly, pushed me to think about politics on a day-to-day and personal level.

more to come.

a good cry

the other night, after a spat with someone, I couldn't sleep. I do very poorly with letting things go and am VERY good at staying upset for an extended period of time. I had school the next day but just couldn't get myself to fall asleep...the spat was consuming every part of me and I felt so...paralyzed. I didn't want to do anything other than sulk in my misery and I just couldn't get it out...so I tried to cry. Wow...it's a weird experience trying to cry; I wanted so desperately to get the tears out of my system but it barely worked...in the end, I wrote about it and prayed...there was just nothing in my power I could do.

fast forward to today.

I hate it when little things go wrong. I was cooking earlier and as I began to wash the dishes, I realized that the drains weren't going at the proper speed. when I used the garburator (sp?), a bunch of crap (not literally) came out of the other sink. I just stared at my my double sink for a while...shocked and dismayed at its betrayal. the phone then began to ring, and I was semi-relieved to hear my mom's voice on the other line. as I began to tell her about the drainage issue, I started to cry. (don't worry...my mom is used to these weird instances) I just couldn't hold it in any longer...the remnants of the spat the other night, days of overproductivity, feelings of inadequacy and loneliness....a little thing going wrong managed to enact the domino effect and all the tears came falling down. And gosh...when little things go wrong, the emptiness I feel without my mom around just gets exacerbated.

*sigh*...a good cry is often just blocked drain away.

lesson learned - alicia keys feat. john mayer

I find that when I'm feeling crappy, I enjoy listening to Alicia Keys and Mary J. Blige...it's probably because I can yell/sing along...:) (I sadly know "Not gonna cry" by heart...can shout it out anytime necessary) This song's been very popular on my itunes/ipod - just wish I could sing it with as much confidence as she does.

He broke my heart
And now it's raining, just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came around
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down
It's alright

Yes I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned, so I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes
Some lies can take a minute to fully realize
His tears, your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You'll give him one more chance just like the time before
But he already knows you'll give 100 more
Until that night in bed
You'll wake up in a sweat, you're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

Life's perfect, it ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

Yes I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake, I returned so I called it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

link to cheer up your day

for all of you who are equally passive aggressive...

Check out: Passive Aggressive Notes

It made me think of that episode of friends where Ross got his sandwich stolen...what was that gravy soaked piece of bread called again?

sunday haikus

we use words, phrases
to share, discuss, and enrage
all is possible

we walk yet again
ordinary steps forward
I smile and you smirk

love is a stranger
we have yet to encounter
oh when will you come?

please share your own! (they can be stupid...)

hermeneutic heaven and hell

I feel a strange sense of peace as I sit here, on a Saturday morning...BLOGGING. the past couple of weeks have been pretty busy, and I haven't had much time to just stop. my friend was just telling me yesterday that she skipped class just so she could do laundry and go to the gym...it had been so long since she took a day for herself. I knew exactly what she meant. it's been assignment after assignment, so there's no real sense of rest between each...

so here I am...finally resting. and as I think back to the past couple of weeks, I realize that they've actually been very rewarding; despite days where I didn't feel well (but was helped by poe, the drug dealer) and days where I didn't know where to begin to get work done.

some of the most memorable days were last friday and saturday, where I had a huge midterm and then a lenten retreat after. I studied with much difficulty for the midterm - reading the text was like reading yoda on paper, and oh my goodness...if you've ever had to study hermeneutics, you would know what I mean. hermeneutics is essentially the "lived experience of the text"...that text must be read contextually (the term is 'exegetically')...but what I had to study gets into much more complicated details than just that. if you're already confused, you can identify with how my head was just spinning...

funnily enough, on the next day post-midterm, the lenten retreat I attended had EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HERMENEUTICS. we were essentially doing an in-depth bible study throughout the day, and were encouraged (through acting for example) to investigate the particular passages we were given. I just had to laugh when our guide began talking about hermeneutics of suspicion because I HAD JUST WRITTEN AN EXAM ABOUT IT. God is funny that way.

I'm not usually the type to be enthusiastic about acting and related arts of the sort, but the retreat was such an enriching experience of "living" the Word. it was something else being immersed in a particular biblical story and to get a sense of what the different characters must have been thinking at the time...and it was SO FUN! it felt like being a kid again...:) it was so wonderful that twenty-something people would want to gather together on a sunny Saturday at church to read the Word together...it was something else.

anyways, I don't know why you've even read this far...I'm clearly just babbling...

p.s I updated the sidebars! finally!

speechless

I'll let Rilke speak for me...cuz my poetry just looks like dog poo next to his.
Allow me to wallow in my feelings of complete idiocy and inadequacy.

Love Song

How can I keep my soul in me, so that
it doesn't touch your soul?
How can I raise it high enough, past you, to other things?
I would like to shelter it, among remote
lost objects, in some dark and silent place
that doesn't resonate when your depths resound.
Yet everything that touches us, me and you,
takes us together like a violin's bow,
which draws one voice out of two separate strings.
Upon what instrument are we two spanned?
And what musician holds us in his hand?
Oh sweetest song.

Heartbeat

Only mouths are we. Who sings the distant heart
which safely exists in the center of all things?
His giant heartbeat is diverted in us
into little pulses. And his giant grief
is, like his giant jubilation, far too
great for us. And so we tear ourselves away
from him time after time, remaining only
mouths. But unexpectedly and secretly
the giant heartbeat enters our being,
so that we scream,
and are transformed in being and in countenance.

some things don't change

I sat thinking how terribly sad it was that people are made in such a way that they get used to something as incredible as living. One day we suddenly take the fact that we exist for granted - and then, yes, then we don’t think about it anymore until we are about to leave the world again.
- Jostein Gaarder, The Solitaire Mystery.

I read this book around eight years ago and reading it again still enticed my sense of wonder and imagination. Every day that we've given on this earth is a gift from above - why wouldn't a want to spend each of those days in awe and wondernment of God's creation? The book helped remind me the need to give thanks each day for the breath I breathe, and to move at a slower pace that allows me to hear God speak, touch His face, and see His beauty.