half alive, but mostly dead

*sigh*.
Lord, can You hear me?
Lord...can You hear me now?

Lord...

Can You hear me now?

A few more days till freedom...

God above all the world in motion,
God above all my hopes and fears,
And I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here, and He lives in me
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here, salvation is here and He lives in me...
- Hillsongs United (Joel Houston)

Must keep singing to myself in order to stay sane...
"When I look at the stars, I feel like myself."- J.F

the joy of starbucks

so, as most of you know...i'm a student by day...and a barista by night? (I lie, I lie...I work during the day too.) just ended a super chaotic shift, where we just kept running out of stuff. oh dear...quite the stress. (but i won't bore you with the details.) the highlight of my night however, was when one of my regulars came in...=) since i haven't been working for a few days, i hadn't seen him. by way of description, he's in his 20s, I'm assuming, chinese...ALWAYS dressed nicely.

he walks in...looks at me...has this sneaky little smile on his face.
me: "WHAT?" (happy grin. or stupid grin, actually.)
him: "nothing!"
me: (gets his drink.)
him: "it's good to see you."
me: "same here."

ok...so that must seem rather mundane to all of you. but hey, it's the mundane moments that often makes us happy, right?=)

The best gift ever

The Slightly Purple Girl Who Likes to Destroy Things...aka Iris Chau.

Oops...so it's taken 6 months for me to get here.

Leaving xanga is like a bad breakup. A dirty bomb, as I like to put it. They make it so darn easy to just keep going back...knowing that once you're in...you can't get out.

Well, sayonara Xanga! I promise that this time, I'll be good. I'll stay away...I won't be tempted by your shiny allure and daily "Digest" emails...nono, I'm breaking up for good. (And in this case, it isn't "all about me".)

Anyways, onto the gwood stuff. Although I have no real friends on Blogspot, it just feels like a more "sophisticated" place to write. I'm feeling the need to have a digital refuge, a "home" of sorts on the worldwide web. It kinda allows me to just post my thoughts, and perhaps even have an audience to share with...(that's you!)

I'm guessing that since I plan to make writing my bread and butter, I might as well start somewhere. I can start off small...maybe just really cheap wonder bread, and "I can't believe it's butter!" butter...but at least it's a beginning. here goes!

"if you want to be given everything, give everything up" - bird york, from the song "in the deep", on the "crash" soundtrack.

was pondering that line a bit today. so...this means...I can't have everything...eh? Or anything, for that matter. I suppose that perhaps, we are meant to live "emptily". I'm sure Henri Nouwen has said something to that extent, that in order to receive, you must empty your soul's desires...easier said than done.
There are three lists of desires: primary, secondary, and tertiary...
with enough battling between the mind and the heart, i can give up the latter two categories...which might mean financial insecurity, a difference in career choice, or relocation...it might mean for "achievements" to arrive too late, or too soon, or not at all...

but then there are the primary desires.
at the core of things, it is a desire to not be lonely. To not have to face life on my own, without some form of physical "backup" here, on this earth...above everything, my heart can't give up this desire.

the question is...does "emptying" oneself entail sacrificing the desire to be loved?