memento mori

I can't remember to forget you.

My inadequacy however, in the light of you, is immeasurably vivid. Staining my mind; I can barely think of anything else.

I wish to fly away with my lack of grace, my inability to speak eloquently, my little knowledge of the things you know oh so much about. I wish for these things to stop weighing me down; I wish to surrender them at the feet of Christ. I wish to discover myself in the midst of wanting to walk along the same path as you; I want to know that what I choose to pursue in life is more than just your goals. I want to know me, in the absence of the person who I think you could love.

the ipod shuffle test

i stole this from another blog, cuz I thought it would be a mighty fun idea. we'll see about that=)
the following are the first ten songs after i hit the "shuffle songs" option on my mini (bought for $50 by the way!)...with a short explanation of what it means to me. hope that i won't be shamed by my song selection! here goes:

1) let that be enough - switchfoot: ahh yes. oldie but a goodie, it encapsulates what i always want to be able to say...that God, you are enough for all of me. a prayerful song, with a lovely and simple guitar riff.

2) just a ride - jem: super awesome song, makes me think of sunny days and driving in convertibles...first heard it on the o.c soundtrack, and i've enjoyed jem's music thereafter. her version of paul mccartney's "maybe i'm amazed" is lovely too. no need to fuss and worry about life, no need to run, no need to hide...

3) lord have mercy - michael w. smith: this is just a worship "classic" for me...it's strange, i find, that we have so few songs that concern confession and laying down our sins and weaknesses. coming before our Father with what we have so easily forgotten to do - to love, to keep our promises - is a vital part of our worship.

4) the blower's daughter - damien rice: the director of "closer" was a genius for using this song as a theme for the movie. every time i hear it, i feel my heart breaking again...i think it's fair to say that lisa hannigan's skills with vocals and strings are rare in a time where the music scene is too often muddled with noise. and damien rice's voice is so provocative in its rawness...i sure can't sing like that.

5) we used to be friends - dandy warhols: theme song of veronica mars! HELLO! if you aren't watching the show...what's wrong with you? Go out and borrow the first season and WATCH IT. television that will blow your mind=) and...wicked song. i'm a sucker for catchy bass lines...in the words of my sister iris: "it's a toetapper".

6) daisy - switchfoot: well...yeah...SF was bound to show up again. diminished chords make my heart flutter. "let it go, open up your fist..." - also one of my alltime favourite songs live. the buildup drives me crazy (waving arms), such a beautiful song about surrender.

7) still - brian mcknight: so...interspersed between less corny songs...are sap. and this is one example. my "dream" is for brian mcknight to sing at my wedding; and the song he would sing is babyface's "everytime i close my eyes" which would sound SO MUCH BETTER with brian singing it. "still" is definitely a classic...right up there with the "number" songs. you know what i'm talking about.

8) love you for life - jodeci: oops...and the sap continues. well, i suppose jodeci is more like...sap with attitude? hmmm...although a lot of the times, it's more racy than sappy.

9) in the red - tina dico: oh tina...how i love your music. she has one of the most expressive voices i've heard in a long long long time...and heck, she writes the perfect lyrics to go along with that voice. such humility and sincerity in her music. this song will always make my heart ache...can't help it. "unless my hopes fall through, there's nothing else i can do, i'm in the red for you..."

10) paradise city - guns n roses: paradise city...where the grass is green and the girls are pretty...HAHAHA=) this one makes me think of "walk this way" a little bit...i don't know why. both are awesome. everytime i hear this one, i picture axl rose on some beach, rocking out. with scantily clad women all around. and then i laugh. yep. this would make one heck of a wedding song.

the other side of the world - kt tunstall

Over the sea and far away, she's waiting like an iceberg...waiting to change...
But she's cold inside, she wants to be like the water
All the muscles tighten in her face, buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same...just like water.

Then the fire fades away, but most of everyday, is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple, but we give up easily
You're close enough to see that you're.... the other side of the world to me.

On comes the panic light, holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come to move along...

simplicity

how I love making things complicated...
i can be quite the drama queen! and i overthink; overthink, and overthink...
as cliche as it is, sometimes life is just better back to the basics.
no need for things to be laid out perfectly, for expectations to be fulfilled...just cherish whatever happens.

i love the new starfield song, "Son of God", chorus:

Jesus, O Holy One
I sing to You, forgiven
Saviour, I'm overcome
By your great love for us

The song, in its simplicity is just so beautiful...it captures that realization of grace offered, grace that changed the world, grace that inhabits us.

i'm thankful for every little moment...as minuscule as they may be to the rest of the world, they mean the world to me.

against all odds - phil collins (postal service version)

how can you just walk away from me
when all I can do is watch you leave
cause we shared the laughter and the pain
and even shared the tears
you're the only one who really knew me at all
so take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
there's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your face
take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
cuz you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
turn around and see me cry
there's so much I need to say to you
so many reasons why
you're the only one who really knew me at all

I'll just be standing here
cuz you coming back to me is against the odds
and that's a chance I've got to face...

addicted to the song...don't know why. it makes me sad?

a memorable mother's day

tuesday was our early celebration of mother's day, since mom flew out to holland today. i really wanted to just spend some quality time with her - no disruptions, no expectations - just time together.

10am - dimsum at the place where LD is located...copious amounts of food consumed. geoduck congee (man, my mom is BLING when i'm treating), steamed pea sprouts, ha gowr, deep fried fish fillets, tsa leung...and of course, we had to "da pao" quite a bit.
11:30am - off to the optical centre to get my new prada glasses courtesy of the WCB (if you do not know already, feel free to ask me about my garbage bin incident)
11:45 - guy said that it'll take about an hour to get them edged...

i lose track of time here...

we then proceeded to run a few errands (which, in my mom's world, means visiting a number of her friends at a number of locations)...i had to help her carry this huge box of detergent for one of her clients...and nodded my head more than a few times when i was forced to chat with a few "aunties". mom then dragged me to this new oil painting store that just opened beside alderbridge tim hortons, so that i can buy her a painting. and so we looked and looked, and finally found something to her taste. (well, i chose it...she made me cuz she says i'm the "artistic" one of the family). it's kinda funny...i've never heard my mom so proud of me...even though she still tells my embarrassing stories to random strangers (usually it's that one proverbial "difficult birth" story). i know this may be weird to discuss, but my mom has never been one to compliment. rarely was i deemed as "hao sun" or "gwai"...the most i ever really got was "she can write", which is perhaps a subtle diss in the chinese world of parenting. i guess that's why when she proudly introduces me to her friends now, as her "hao sun and chong ming" daughter, i feel proud too...and happy.

after buying the painting, we headed back to the optical centre, picked up my glasses, and she treated me to some "tofu flower" at central square. we used to go there a lot....so...it was definitely nostalgic. actually, anytime i eat with mom, it's nostalgic...i guess cuz so many of our memories growing up were tied with food.

and that's where our day ended...simple, but lovely. perhaps, for once in a long time, we're really embarking on a journey to understand each other more. no matter how much has changed, she is still my mom, and we love each other. we break, we cry, but we also cope. we mourn for what's been lost, but we also celebrate what's been gained.

"oye see wing yuun"

if only we could be trapped in that moment
where you understood my desire for something more
if only we could have rewound and paused
the still frame of souls embarking, tasting the new and possible

the moment that gave life to my heart
you were too quick to dismiss
my smile, stretched from ear to ear
cheeks flushed with anticipation
in pure ecstasy

if only we could have retained those few minutes
where i knew that maybe things would turn out ok
that you would somehow have understood
my intentions

but maybe all the possibilities are simply trapped in that moment
they cease to move, refusing to extend
perhaps all we have now are those few minutes
where my fondness of you was understood and accepted

so, it's been a few days...

i've been dying to talk about the switchfoot concert but have not had the chance to with anyone who would really understand my excitement. (well, except for koosters who's here...but she went to the concert with me...so, yeah)

when we first heard that they were coming back to town, i, um...yelled at my computer screen and called koos right away so that we can buy presale tickets! man...we were so psyched, especially since it was the only canadian date. THE NORTHWEST ROCKS!
in the midst of exams and busyness of work however, we kinda forgot about it and really only got excited a few days prior to the event. you see, we've had the fortune of seeing them before up close and personal, but last time's experience was a bit lackluster due to koos getting crushed and me having my glasses broken + almost minor concussion. funniest thing too, last time, us girls got it BAD, but the boys that went as well were just fine. Hmmph.

we swore that this time around, we would come out of the mosh pit more than half alive and we did! we lined up outside the commodore for an hour and a half and therefore were able to get very decent spots up front. (jerome was right in front of me! teehee) the opening band was pretty awesome (lovedrug), and the lead singer sounds like the guy in pilate. SERIOUSLY. as well, both koo and i thought the bass player was pretty darn cute.

they played about a 40 minute set (quite long, yes), and we awaited SF with much anticipation. thank goodness people were only pushing in the centre of the mosh; we were not affected as we stood on the left side. i laughed so hard when "the scientist" came onto the speakers; it was also aired last time we were waiting for the band and the whole crowd was singing to "come up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry, don't know how lovely youuuu arrrrreee..." (and i thought...hMMMRRm....this is a switchfoot concert, not a coldplay one!)

they came on quite quickly after the opening band as we cheered and cheered....and what better song to sing than "shadow"? i knew all was worth it once jon started with "sunshine, won't you be my mother?"=)

i won't get into the set list, but some of my favourites from the night were: lonely nation, this is your life (ahhh...never gets old), daisy and meant to live. "meant to live" always rocks, i must say...

it was ultra cool that they had these platforms up on the edge of the stage that different members stood on at different times. highlight was definitely when drew jumped on after the end of daisy and started the riff to "meant to live"...*ahhh, dreamy!*

per usual, jon spoke with candid eloquence, and told the crowd about their involvement with "invisible children" as well as our voices being an important weapon in today's continually sordid world. this took place before "dare you to move" of course...=)

the great thing about this band...and the reason i love them so, is that other than being an incredible musical group (who are continuously striving to innovate themselves and to play around with noise), they have a vision to change the world...whether that's through the introspective lyrics, unifying anthems, or involvement with causes that they feel strongly about.
they are so genuine, humble, and down to earth...incomparable to any other band i've come to be a fan of.

and oh yes....the highlight of the night would...*drumroll*...getting drew's pick! he threw it unto the crowd after the set and it luckily fell at my brother's feet. such luck! i think i almost teared up in joy as he gave it to me! teehee.

*pictures to come*