bad quality haiku for the day

the sound of silence
deafens the thundering noise
yet quietens my soul

beauty in unexpected places

for a while now, I've been meaning to spend some time in the "wilderness", so to speak, and to do some nature-oriented activities. growing up in montreal and later moving to vancouver (with much grudging and complaining along the way), one of the things I love most about this city is its natural beauty. where else in canada can you have the viewing pleasure of the rockies at nearly every corner?

although being much of a "city girl"during my teenage years, I think I'm slowly becoming more attached to natural landscapes and the opportunity to just be still before God in such a space. koos and I, in an effort to "reminisce" about salt spring island decided to explore the burnaby mountain conservation area. we had previously never even heard of it, and didn't realize it was seriously right under our noses. throughout the trip/hike, we were so astounded by the intricate landscape and the stillness of our own hearts as the day passed by. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be quiet - not having to worry about what tomorrow likes it. if this last little while has taught me anything, it's that sometimes, we just gotta take things one day at a time. ultimately, God doesn't give us anything we cannot handle and we need to be perseverant in hope...for He is the only God who can keep us from falling.

stardust review

as of late, I've been a fan of making impulsive decisions when it comes to arts and entertainment...if my intuition tells me I would like it, I would check it out. so far, it's landed me with a copy of "the time traveler's wife", which I love dearly, and also watching "stardust" at the theatres.

I had never before heard of the book, but after reading the pajiba review for it...I felt a strong urge to watch it. knowing that wormball might like it too, I dragged her to the theatres with me. the story could be classified as a fairy tale/adventure, I suppose, but is particularly unique in its self-awareness of its film genre and sincere storytelling...it's strangely honest and "realistic", even though the narrative includes witches, fallen stars, and a division between the "real" and the "magical". to summarize the film briefly, it is about a young man (tristan, played by charlie cox) who goes on a quest to catch a falling star in order to bring back to the girl he loves, victoria. once he finds the star (in the human form of yvaine, played by claire danes), they go through a series of challenges in order to get back home. I won't get into too many details - don't want to ruin the excitement of the film for you all.

what I loved most about the film is how it's really about growing up. it reminded me of "big fish" in that sense (also because of the stunning visuals)...that sometimes, we need to appreciate what's right in front of us and be open to the change that it may bring. let me end with a quote from the film that I thought was quite beautiful...

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

oh yes, did I mention that Robert Deniro plays a flamboyant pirate in it? it's AWESOME. The cast also includes people like Ricky Gervais and Michelle Pfeiffer...

presenting...leslie feist

The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start

I *heart* Feist. there's just no way around it...she occupies about half my "Top 25 most played" list on itunes, and has had such a musical presence in my day-to-day life. I remember first listening to "let it die" and thinking: "holy cow! this is some weiiiiiiird stuff." and then I listened to the album some more, and some more...and simply fell in love with the parisian pop/folky feel of her music. like I've mentioned many times before, I appreciate an artist's honesty the most - there's a playfulness and laissez-faire attitude to her performing that I just love.

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights, that is what my youth was for
Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more
Oh, you're changing your heart...
Oh, you know who you are...

Another plus with her music....it's great accompaniment to my snoopy dancing.

wormball advice column #1

On Friendship
(Butterball is transcribing as Wormball cuts up sticker pictures)

1. Always apologize (even when you think the other person's wrong) - this is to prevent friends from swearing at you
2. Tell them you love them once in a while
3. Give them a hug ("Who do you hug?!", I say. "I don't hug people, people hug me",says Wormball)
4. Try not to get your friends angry ("Why?", I say. "Cuz they hold that against you forever", says Wormball) - Refer to Point #1
5. Sometimes apologizing doesn't work.
6. Take all the chances you can to see your friends . ("Even if you end up seeming needy?", I say. "HUH?", says Wormball.)
7. Only be friends with people you like.
8. Keep your friends' secrets.

things men do which do not impress women

1) to move your arms in a slight flailing motion while running
2) leaving your collar up when it clearly was designed to be down
3) wearing socks with sandals - especially black socks
4) stripping "please" and "thank you" from your vocabulary
5) attempting to flirt in the presence of your girlfriend
6) applying enough hair gel/wax to make a car look brand-spanking-new
7) wearing coloured lenses that are clearly not natural and make you look like dracula's ugly cousin
8) being the model of the offspring's late 90's hit - "pretty fly for a white guy" (yes, this applies to asian guys too)

ganache heaven

the opportunity to splurge on cake only comes when visitors are in town...especially when they themselves are self-proclaimed "cake maniacs" (I love you, Milhouse!). after a little bit of research, I found out that ganache patisserie in yaletown would be the best option to take my lovely friend, and that's where we decided to go after a light lunch at caffe artigiano and trying on dresses at bcbg (*don't roll your eyes*).

from the left: tarte au citron (lemon tart with meringue), matcha exotique(green tea mousse, mango-passionfruit gelée, lychees, black sesame biscuit joconde), and opera noisette (dark chocolate ganache, hazelnut/coffee cream, praline crunch - tasted like a high-end ferrero rocher but better)

this is me holding the lovely cakes before devouring them. mmmmm.

declaring my love for all things switchfoot

dirty pretty things - reflections

I guess some would call me a movie "snob"...I'm pretty careful about what I watch, and there are some directors/actors/writers that I avoid at all costs. last week, I decided to rent a few films I had been wanting to see for a while, and dirty pretty things was one of them. I am a latecomer fan of chiwetel ejiofor, who I thought was really brilliant in "children of men"...his portrayal of okwe, an illegal refugee living in london, blew me away. dpt is about the urban london underground - and as okwe himself describes, "we [the immigrants] are the ones you do not see. We drive your cabs, clean your rooms and suck your cocks".

it is wonderfully shocking, eerily thrilling, and saturated with social commentary. it depicts a dirty, grungy, and perverse london, and the immigrants who are at the brunt of oppressors who take advantage of their ambitions for a new life. the film is undoubtedly dark, depicting things that people are only willing to hide in seedy hotel rooms (believe me, the sex trade is only a small component of this). the bittersweet and understated romance/friendship that burgeons between ejiofor's okwe, and audrey tautou's senay (who plays a turkish muslim) is one of the highlights of the film for me...there is no overt "pursuit" and flowery romance...as time passes in the film, you just begin to realize how much these people need each other to survive. tautou is always so impressive - she certainly doesn't need words to show the audience what's going on.

one of the best movies I've seen in the past year - successfully keeping me on the edge of my seat during its entirety.

oops...parental guidance is advised?

Don't watch Chappelle if you're sensitive to...cursing?=)
And I suppose PG wouldn't really cut it...

Dave Chappelle - Grape Drink

Five Reasons to love Dave Chappelle:

Hmmm...I was going to use some quotes from the show and his stand-up work...but I THINK it's a bit vulgar to put here. Hahaha...=)

His interview on "Inside the Actors Studio" is fabulous by the way...it's a must-see for all fans. I almost hurt myself laughing while watching it!

of fruit salad and old friends

it's difficult to keep track of how much you've changed: not all of us maintain journals, and certainly most of us don't dedicate time to simply reflect on how we've "evolved" over the years. it's therefore a pretty unique opportunity to see old friends, people who have not been too present in your life over the past ten years, and ppl who may have a thing or two to share about who you were then and who you are now.

hmmm...I make all this sound so profound and deep. Truth is, we just had a lot of fun. (I even forgot about my computer virus!)

Salade de fruits was wonderful as always (for those who don't know, it's this French joint on 7th)...and we even managed to completely shock the waiter. A bee was flying by during our meal, quite persistently "attacking" my friend's mussels, and so, she decided to catch in the pan. the bee suffocated in mussel remnants...at least it died happy. When we told the waiter about the dead bee and his need to get rid of it later...he was like: "you guys did...what??"

it was a strange and surreal experience sitting down with two ppl who have known me for a pathetically long amount of time. it's also strange to see that some of us have followed through on our teenage interests, and some of us have completely changed our minds about vocation. all in all, a fun lunch and I hope there will be more to come. we gotta get to the hardcore profound stuff at some point.

mm...on a sidenote, 8/21 soon! haha!

united 93

Of the four aircraft hijacked that day, United 93 was the only one that did not reach its target. It crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania at 10:03am. No one survived. - United 93, title card.

for the longest time, I wasn't prepared to watch this film. It was too much, almost in a perverse way. I remember when I first heard about the various films that would be released that had 9/11 as its central subject matter - I thought: "This is disgusting. How could anyone try to profit from this? Who would want to recreate/rehash the horrors of that day? Isn't is much too soon?"

For a while, I dismissed United 93 as merely one of these films, and not until I had watched more of Paul Greengrass' work, that I became interested in watching this film. I recall having a conversation with my documentary media prof about the use of "realism" in Hollywood these days - films like Children of Men, for example, borrows from the realist genre (I suppose documentary is only a branch of realism), and so does United 93. My prof had not seen the film, and pointed out to me that she simply wouldn't be able to stomach it....I had to agree, until yesterday.

I began watching with a fair bit of trepidation - afraid of the political subtext, afraid of possible melodrama...but bravely, my sister and I sat down to watch it.what I found instead of my various fears was an incredibly beautiful, incredibly brave, and touching film. Greengrass doesn't create heroes or villains, he does an amazing job of creating a character out of all the passengers on that plane...he is fair with his camera, and when I found myself crying, I was crying because the circumstances that each of these people were trapped in. Greengrass doesn't villify (is that a word?) the four men who hijacked the plane - in many ways he showcases their desperation as being similar to the desperation to the passengers on board. one particularly moving scene consists of alternating frames between the hijackers praying in Arabic to Allah, and certain passengers praying the Lord's Prayer. It gave me a sense that everyone is trapped within a vicious system that has polarized religion/politics, but that at the end of the day, we all just want to be saved.

I highly recommend the film - even though I cried through much of it (I like to cry, ok?): it is honest, yet inspirational...a beautifully-crafted film.

the importance of home

growing up in hong kong, my family, like many others, lived in a very cramped space in some sort of high-rise building. I think we lived on the 11th floor, and the entrance to our home didn't only have a door, but a metal gate as well. although we had little room to play, it never felt small, and we made the best of it. during birthdays, my mom would invite 20-something people over and she would cook up a feast in our claustrophobic closet of a kitchen...it was so much fun. it's difficult to think about those days now - things are so different and I no longer look at "home" through the same rose-coloured lens. I remember my mother helping me put on frilly dresses and she would braid my hair (the highest count was 14!), and every birthday felt like a day as a princess.

when we immigrated to montreal, we were exposed to the greatest weather-related joy possible: fluffy beautiful snow. I think seeing snow was my experience of "first love"...and to share that thrill with my family was the cherry on top of the sundae (what a terrible metaphor...I actually hate maraschino cherries). I still love Montreal and those memories remain blissful and untainted - how can I complain when I could "skate" to the bus stop?
although we were transitioning and trying to integrate into this whole new (french speaking) world, we always had the comfort and warmth of each other.

maybe things were never that perfect. and looking back, there were certainly indications along the way that somewhere down the line, we would encounter separation. I've seen myself, in recent years, get caught up in anger and bitterness...and being someone who is always trying to be "responsible", I would do things simply for the sake of doing them. I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of being a cynic...but I've naturalized it so much that I can't really separate "myself" from me. I'm ready to heal...but sometimes I think I'm simply not in the right environment to do it. it's like people who are trying to fight addiction...sometimes, we just need to displace ourselves (e.g rehab, treatment) from where we are in order to be alive again.

reflections about anger (pt.2)

I love the passage that I typed up yesterday...it really captures the silly nature of anger. sometimes, we grow so consumed by anger that we don't even know why we were angry in the first place. it's simply easier to feel crappy and like you don't belong - and yet no effort is being made to get you out of that hole.

a while ago, a friend reminded me that I'm responsible for the holes that I dig - it's so much easier (on me) to simply blame it on the motions, or other people's actions, but at the end of the day, I still have the choice to face my pain head on or just wallow in it. although I can often be an extremely ambitious person, I'm not very good at confronting my insecurities and dealing with pain. I like to quietly build up the hurt, up to a point where I physically can't take it anymore. It's a horrible habit.

I'm realizing that God is calling me to be brave, to take a chance and run with it. I need not be scared, and I need not accomodate the whole world. beyond the noise of career choices, relationships, family responsibility, I'm simply a child of God. in order to hear the still small whisper of God above, I need to embrace my anger and pain and just let it go.

you and I are made to worship
you and I are called to love
you and I are forgiven and free
when you and I embrace surrender
you and I choose to believe
then you and I will see
who we were meant to be

excerpt and reflections - "the history of love" (pt.1)

I want to say somewhere: I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in. I scowled at the world. And the world scowled back....And then one day I realized I was on my way to being the sort of schmuck who poisons pigeons. People crossed the street to avoid me. I was a human cancer. And to be honest, I wasn't really angry. Not anymore. I had left my anger somewhere long ago. Put it down on a park bench and walked away. And yet. It had been so long, I didn't know any other way of being. One day I woke up and said to myself: It's not too late.

all the small things

my new summer obsession

with the lack of good tv available during the summer slump, I've been trying to find leisure in different places...reading, movies, bad chinese dramas...
however, nothing brings me more pleasure these days on the tube than a little reality show called "top chef".

to be very honest with you, I really don't watch reality tv. like all of my friends, I went through a half-commitment with amazing race, and occasionally watched american idol...but seriously, I don't have the patience for it. there's usually so much filler that watching an hour becomes more burden than leisure. I tuned onto "top chef" sometime during season 2 when anthony bourdain was a guest judge...being a lover of all things bourdainian (look poe! a new word for us!), I obviously was "obligated" to watch. I thought it was really exciting, dramatic, but not bordering on soap opera, and gosh....it was about food. nothing could be better.

I didn't keep watching however, because there were too many other shows to watch...with last season's TV being preoccupied with veronica mars, friday night lights, the office, et al...and therefore am enjoying the show now. for those who don't know, the "competition" is composed from chefs/cooks all over the country - they are presented each week with a quickfire challenge (such as having to cook with items bought from a vending machine), as well as an elimination challenge (such as cooking a five-course meal for an audience without initially knowing the ingredients available in the kitchen). the show is exciting due to the deadlines, for one, but also because people come up with the quirkiest dishes too...and it's also stunning to see some really talented chefs flaunt their culinary muscles.
and lastly, I also watch because of this person:

Sam Talbot is like....Scott Speedman, with the benefits of fine dining knowledge.