entitlement

I was recently rereading an article written by a friend for our church newsletter (coming out July 1st!) and I'm still struck by a particular statement that she makes about the past 10 years in her life. She brings up her "five-year plan" and having things all laid out for the future...and it appears all well and good until the question arises: "But...is it God's plan?"

I find myself in that predicament these days. I have these grand ideas about the future - I want to work in communications for a bit, I want to get into law school, I want to be able to attend a law school that will have a human rights branch, I want to...change the world.
Maybe this is the tricky part about being involved in social justice work - it really means battling your ego and coming to a place of humility and servitude. This isn't MY work, this is God's work. I find myself feeling entitled to certain things...surely God will want me to do human rights work...surely He'll pave the way! But with that kind of attitude, I realize, am I really LETTING God work?

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

I fell upon this familiar passage today...and in it I hear God beckoning me to Him...I feel Him saying "Child, just come close to me...let me guide...and I will show you the Way". I'm also becoming more aware that I need to recognize daily the darkness and vulnerability that is very much a part of me even though I like to think otherwise. Beauty in the broken, right?

my sister, the rocker

so, ever since my sister's ultra awesome haircut (seriously, I wish I could pull it off), I've been calling her Jerome.

Why? Well...the resemblance is uncanny!

See for yourself...

michael moore - provocateur or schlump?

Michael Moore's new documentary has been on the tip of everybody's tongue these days - the legal battles have only exacerbated the publicity for Sicko, which takes a look at the disparaging and horrifying underpinnings of the American health care system (or lack thereof).

unlike the majority of people these days, i'm actually not a michael moore hater. I really think his intentions are good, but the manner in which he's carried out some of his ideas have lacked...tact. The in-your-face "I'm ready to argue with you till death" attitude is not exactly a good platform for democratic discussion. Funnily enough, I was just watching a clip of Ann Coulter (speaking of lack of tact) today getting completely schooled by Elizabeth Edwards (John Edwards' wife) for basically reducing any kind of political discussion to personal slander.

I'm really hoping that I would convince (at least some of you) that Michael Moore is not an Ann Coulter type (although sometimes, it sure seems that way...), but what he aims to do actually bears a lot of relevance to current social issues. Although I'm personally not a fan of his documentary work (I couldn't come to terms with some of the ethical issues he has overlooked in his films), I've heard some pretty amazing things about Sicko. Even though his tactics are brash, he is at least making an effort in revealing the disturbing nature of privatized health care. The way in which he reveals these truths may be flashy, but at least these are real problems that need to be discussed in a public forum...I myself am looking forward to seeing the film.

the weather is a good indicator

I don't know if you guys were outside on Sunday, but it was an absolute insane day weather-wise. As I travelled from my house to church, the rain was near monsoon-like, with intermittent pauses. The craziness seemed to die down late morning, as the sun was out during my drive to meet up with my china-bound friend. However, in the afternoon, the sky began to fat-pei-hei once again and the monsoon-like rain tumbled down from up high.

Then came the hail. HAIL. It's nearly July and there was HAIL coming from the sky.

The funny thing was, when the hail started perforating the body of my car, I was in a heated argument with my mother. The hail seemed to be the perfect encapsulation of our stupidity - so insane, so silly, and SO UNNECESSARY. I began to think that the weather was trying to tell me something...indicating to me my need to just quiet down and talk things out.

you know how I've mentioned my tendency to cry in public places and then get super embarassed and run to the bathroom and hide?

well...seems like I needed some more practice with that "skill". as the monsoon-like rain began to flood the streets, I cried until my eyes felt incapable of waking...inside, I was thankful for the rain because at least I didn't feel alone through it all...strange how such a randomly odd weather day can say so much.

excerpt from "the corrections"

"Sleep was the ideally work-compatible girl he ought to have married in the first place. Perfectly submissive, infinitely forgiving, and so respectable you could take her to church and the symphony and the St. Jude repertory Theatre. She never kept him awake with her tears. She demanded nothing and in return for nothing gave him everything he needed to do in a long day's work. There was no mess in their affair..."

Reading this particular section of the book literally made me smile....one of those: "I wish I had thought of that!" moments.

total state of randomness

I've been having trouble writing these days, largely because of busyness and not having my head screwed on properly. The last week has been pretty monumental - finishing the video project, finishing the video project, finishing the video project...hahaha=) I won't discuss it much on this blog...and no, I won't be making it available on youtube...but if you want to know more, feel free to ask me personally!

I got to thinking today about the way that things pan out in life...it's usually not one of dramatic conversion...but rather, you find out inch by inch what happens and where you want to be. over the years, you accumulate interests and passions...and then comes a time, when you're perhaps in a reflective mood, that you realize: "hey, this is what I want to do...and I kinda really love it".

I was telling a friend today about the feeling of being "at home" when I'm doing volunteer work (whether that's with our advocacy group (SoJ) or with Pivot). there's a sense of community and immediacy...I think when you share a common vision for a better future, that bond becomes so powerful that you've already set a foundation for your friendship. It's pretty exciting thinking about the future and where this path might lead...having people recommend certain law schools to me really pushed me to realize that those choices are actually at arms reach! (perhaps really wide arms...but still)

I think I've found a niche...but I'm still praying for God's guidance in all of this...little by little, I think He's showing me what it means to be a child of God, and that is all I'll ever need.

Hi, my name is Elaine...

And I don't know how to say "No".

On Monday night, I had the fortune of hearing Kathi Bentall speak about the role of prayer in social justice work. Amongst many things that I learned that night, I was reminded once again of my need to say "No" when asked for favours, attendance to particular events, and so forth. I was reminded of the need to create space for God to work....and to be constantly in His presence. My agenda book is a good example of how much I need to do this...this week has been much too full. I think this summer is really teaching me the importance of prioritizing...and I'm left asking: "what's important for God?" in the place of "what's important for me?". Learning to walk away from being a "pleaser"...it sure its difficult.

fat worm day

on the menu: Yu Heung Kei Tzee (Eggplant with Meat Sauce), Pea Tips with fish tofu and thousand year old egg), Soy Sauce Free Range Chicken, and CRAB! That I KILLED MYSELF! I could not be more proud of myself.

happy father's day, worm pops! He said: "Eating crab brings me inexplicable joy". Just look at that grin!
The Chair that we saved for Edmundo. Wish you were here! We'll eat crab again when you're home.

and a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four

"my head feels like an overheated and exploding burrito" - elaine chau, june 13.

"I'M YOUR GELATO PIMP!" - elaine chau to koosters, june 15.

The last week has been a whirlwind: finishing the LSAT and realizing that I've left SO MUCH CRAP UNDONE BECAUSE I WAS STUDYING. on thursday, when I finally had a day to run errands and chill out (tuesday and wednesday were ho busy), I wrote down a "to-do list"...and believe me, you don't want to see how much is on there. I swear, this Summer 2007 shall officially be name "SUMMER OF SELF-DISCIPLINE".

one of the things that never fails to bring me a little peace amidst busyness is good music. I'm one of those people who could never be able to fully answer the question: "So, what kinda music do you like?". Maybe it's the digital age partially...we have access to so much that our tastes have acquired a certain diverse nature. anybody can have an audience these days, there is ALWAYS something new and cool to listen to. I don't think that music even exists in genres anymore...I mean, how do you define people like Feist? It'd be pitiful to try and fit her in a category. Most music lovers just want to be enticed, excited, and not underestimated....I rarely meet people who are strictly "hiphop" or "alternative" (what does that EVEN MEAN?)...but rather, music has become all about individual sounds and styles.

good music to me however, is always about insightful poetry, inventive arrangements, and just a laissez-faire attitude to how it's received (making music for your own sake). It also helps if the artist isn't afraid of being imperfect/silly...=) for me, as of late, montreal's own arcade fire has epitomized "good music". everytime I listen to their albums, I keep thinking..."HOW DO YOU EVEN WRITE THIS STUFF??AND ARRANGE IT??"...I dig the organ, all the funky instruments, soaring vocals, and lyrics that are not afraid to be critical.
and really, what could be better?

maybe my favourite band covering one of their hits...but wait! it's been done! hahaha.

I just don't think I'll ever get over you - Colin Hay

The song showed up on my party shuffle a few times today...and I think I realized how poetic it is for the first time. I wish I could write like this...so effortlessly honest. It's a pretty song.

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Five Prayers for the Vancouver Olympics

The following prayers were written by my friend Al McKay, who is also a member of Streams of Justice. The Olympics are certainly on the back of most people's minds, and certainly, it is an exciting event that is meant to celebrate humanism. I find that a tad ironic though, especially when we begin to think about how our city has chosen to use crimilization as a means to figh poverty, which I believe to be ultimately dehumanizing. The human spirit doesn't only exist in the acquirement of a gold medal, or the crowds who are cheering the athletes on, or even the often touching and memorable stories of "everyday people" who are accomplishing their dream by being part of this international spectacle. The human spirit exists on our downtrodden streets, on the crowded buses, and most certainly on the faces of those who remain hungry, evicted, and in pain.

1) Pray that all three levels of Government will act upon the recommendation to start to build 3200 units of Social Housing immediately
2) Pray that the Provincial Government would take away the barriers to receiving welfare - like the 3 week waiting period
3) Pray that all three levels of Government would work together to acquire 800 units of low income housing by 2010
4) Pray that the Provincial Governmentt would increase welfare rates by 50% using the March 2007 elevels. This would mean that welfare recipients could actually rent.
5) Pray that there would be the political will to convert 200 units of the Vancouver Athletes' Village to low income housing

grace flows down

I checked exactly what I wrote last year to see where I was at, on this particular day in 2006. the funny thing is, I had quoted starfield's "shipwreck", and it is also currently playing on my itunes. today is a strange day for me, in more ways than one, partially because I feel like I'm beginning a new chapter in my summer. for the last while, everything had been playing second fiddle to the studying, and now I have to "reformat"...which feels altogether funny.

a few friends and I had a nice lunch over the weekend, and we also had the chance to sit down by the steveston pier (very dawson's creek like...I really had Paula Cole's "I don't wanna wait" stuck in my head because of the location) to talk about where we are in our lives and whether we are content. I've been discovering that I'm really at my most joyful when I'm not thinking about things that involve me (whether on the school front, career front, or other responsibilities). When my primary concern becomes "not me", I find a freedom that I've really never experienced before.

this "freedom" has lead me to think about blessings. A blessing is in one way, our acknowledgment of a gift being God-given. Often, when I don't reflect about what's been happening in my life, I don't recognize the seeds that God is planting everywhere around me...even though they are so abundant. And God has been doing so much in the past year...so much has happened, and there is so much to come! I'm so happy to be involved in my community, to be learning, and to be surrounded by all these new and amazing people who represent who Christ is in a 21st century kinda way.

there is so much to be thankful for.

father's day plans

Father's day is coming and Elaine and I have planned something very special...

To cook his favourite foods, which include

- corn beef

- egg with ham

For dessert, we could have

- wife cake

- HK Style milk tea (in Elaine's soup mug...which Dad has kidnapped ever since she brought it back from Ottawa)

- sesame/almond candies

His "close to midnight" snack (dinner #2 for the worm)
- leftovers
- peanuts

perhaps for activity time, fat worm will wish to boogie a little....to some really old (note: ANCIENT) chinese music...or maybe we will teach him how to play guitar hero (you'd pay to see that, wouldn't you?)

not even haiku

really really really afraid of failure.

in need of some perspective.


"blessed is the man who's lost it all..."

The Royal Switchfoots

sorry for lack of posting...too submerged in crap

i've been having these weird opportunities to turn down jobs as of late...which is a blessing in more than one way, because it has helped me realize that I no longer want to work in customer service/retail...or marketing...or insurance firms. I made the decision that I'd rather look for something more meaningful (community-based programs) rather than something that leaves me feeling like I've contributed nothing to the world at large. and sometimes, I just need to be patient and wait...

and in other news, I hate studying.

HK Cafe - Cha Tsan Teng

while having lunch at alleluia yesterday with the family, chocolate ball, fat worm, and I got to talking about the pervasiveness of the HK Cafe in Richmond. we were a bit puzzled at the closings of both "much and more" and "honolulu", and chocolate ball was particularly shocked at "honolulu" closing because he deemed it "the king of cha tsan tengs" (which I disagree with...it's kinda nasty there...but it was popular!). as we discussed who the "four HK Cafe kings" are (you know...the aaron kwok, leon lai, jacky cheung, andy lau's of lowbrow culinary culture) ...we came to this conclusion:

1) happy date: one of my favourite quotes (from me! just ask mr. lane...I totally own trademark rights) is..."it's so ghetto, it's gotta be good!". I think the quote applies to "happy date", especially since it's survived THIS long. they also get extra props for having the best waitresses ever...they're never too friendly, and always get the work done quick. they might appear mean, but I see it as the perfect amount of restrain...they really don't care about you (and won't pretend otherwise), but they will be civil and get your food to you in good time.

what do I order? - always have the tea time stuff...they actually have super yummy chicken burgers.

2) alleluia: it is hella busy there all the time...especially for the super awesome $2.99 deal for breakfast...frugal people just flock to this place! and why wouldn't they...free refills for drinks!

what do I order? - mmm...their baked porkchop rice is yummy...so is the yuen yeung fan. also good club sandwiches! and fat worm likes their belachan beef on fried noodle.

3) the already deceased 'venus cafe'/'kingspark': maybe it's not so much the food...but more so the many good memories I have of these places. I put these two together because one of them no longer exists and the other, I no longer frequent. 'venus cafe' had the best sweet stuff...the desserts on the tea time menu were actually decent. with 'kingspark', it's all about the memories=) sizzling plates are ho excite!

what do I order? - at kingspark, I loved their thai roasted chicken fried rice....that's pretty the only thing I've ever ordered there. I really think the quality has gone down a fair amount in recent years...the service was TERRIBLE the last time I went.

4) ok...this is a sort of exception, but I gotta put down the parker place food court. it is not only the cheapest of them all, but also one of the best, quality wise. at our house, we call it "fat worm's hangout"...and it is absolutely his favourite food place because it's just so gosh darn ghetto that it feels like HK.

what do I order? - the "little car" mein at curry kitchen (brisket w/ fried fish slices in satay sauce)....breakfast from "good food" (they have the best milk tea actually)...and I recently tried the crepe place, which is delicious! (much cheaper than cafe crepe)

anyways...I'm sure you guys will have your opinions about the "culinary kings of richmond"...spam away!

pressure's on

10 days until the LSAT...and I sort of can't stop thinking about it.
I don't know if this is a trend with most people, but when I worry about something, it kinda overshadows every aspect of my life...everything else becomes secondary. Today, I'm aiming to work out a few things that I have not caught up with, squeeze in a bit of studying...and work! Tomorrow will be spent at the library=)

I met up with my co-op advisor earlier this week, and ever since then, I've been doing a little bit of thinking as to what I'd like to do in the future. Actually, this week has been indication of what's important...despite the LSAT craziness.

here are some of my epiphanies:
1) I really love my volunteer work...especially when it means that I get to know and work with people who believe as strongly as I do about community issues. It's such a blessing to be able to come around a table and critically discuss the world around us...it's a liberating experience. Being able to serve my community, even if it's in the tiniest of ways, is an incredible privilege. (Sorry for vagueness! Ask me personally for clarification.)
2) I love film. most of you know that already. experiencing the process of making a short doc has been amazing (and will continue to be in the editing portion, i'm sure), and it's altogether exciting and eye-opening to me.
3) I'm really wanting to learn more graphic design/publishing programs...(InDesign!)
4) Prayer is such an important spiritual discipline...;)

Okerly dokerly, I'm getting back to my reading now...diversion; over.