sunday poetry

I didn't know I could fall in love again
I was so sure that I had moved on
from walking in your shadow

I had long given up on
making sense of your every nook and crevice
you were always so hard to get to know

but yet I am overwhelmed
by the comfort, the tenderness
of your embrace
picking up from where we left off

and despite both of us being a little older
having gone our separate ways
I can't help but be drawn by your mystique
and reckless abandon when it comes to indulgence

oh montreal, I have missed you

day three

alright...my apologies for the lack of photos. I forgot to bring a cable with me...

It's amazing how a place can be so strange and familiar at the same time. You realize that places and people are most definitely not time capsules and it's remarkable how much growth can happen in five years. (that was the last time I visited)

It astounds me how easy it is to launch back into engaging conversations with people even though you have really not communicated with them for a long time - and how unnecessary plans can be to have fun. in fact, I've been really just going with the flow so far, and I truly feel like I'm relaxing. I've become so prone to scheduling relaxation and fun - and so it's refreshing to just be spontaneous. in the case of yesterday, it lead me to saint denis (lots of wandering on my own), catching up with friends at church, more walking on mont-royal (26 degrees outside in the bright shining sun...it was awesome), and then chilling in the church sanctuary and talking about worship. and after that, we ended up shopping in chinatown for some groceries to bring over to another friend's loft near the old port to cook. twas good. there's nothing like drinking wine until late in the night (phil, you should be proud) and covering topics from cat sex to michel gondry to legalizing marijuana.

more adventures to come.

day one

the first things I notice in montreal:

on any sign, the french is on top and the english is on the bottom.
liquor is all around. (and in grocery stores)
I can buy fresh merguez sausage and at the local metro (that's the equivalent
dorval is ugly

the road - tina dico

driving up the coast
eyes on the road
nowhere in particular to go
eyes on the road
you ask me what's my philosophy
I say, well there is one thing I know about being happy
it's not about taming your pain and your fear and your enemy
you gotta let them all loose and surrender to life's uncertainty
eyes on the road

there are things you can't change
and defeats you can't deny
you waste your time and your life and your love if you try
eyes on the road
the road, the road, the road...
eyes on the road

leaving on a jet plane

Two more days until Montreal, and I feel strangely…ambivalent about it all.
On one hand, I am really excited to see friends and walk about town, but another part of me feels like this is almost a farewell of sorts.

For the longest time, I have called Montreal home…but I realized recently how far I’ve come since then.

I’m not sure I can even emotionally handle going back to my old house – especially since I’d have to do it on my own. So much has changed…my family looks different, for example, and my goodness…my sister is no longer a toddler.

I’m scared I might get nostalgia overkill.

Part of this trip is to also connect with who I was – French Canadian roots I’ve so quickly compartamentalized, people I grew up with but lost touch…and who knows, I might even be able to make some old things new and relevant again. Sometimes, I think I need to connect with who I was to know who I want to be.

Vivacity - dim sum review

For the longest time, wormball thought it was Viva City. Hawt.


Tsa-leung – my mom’s favourite…she ate about ¾ of it. The Chinese donut was thankfully not overfried and was crispy on the outside, tender on the inside


Beef cheung-fun


Har-gow were average – my mom said the shrimp was fresh enough though


Stir-fried “silver heart”(my attempt at ping yum) noodles – my mom used to make them at home a lot…so excellent with X.O sauce


Enoki mushroom on fried beancurd – my personal favourite, the tender chewiness of the enoki mushrooms work really nicely with the crispiness of the beancurd (man, I need to make this at home)


X.O Sauce – yes, my mom is a see lai high roller


Beef brisket “lo mein” – brisket was surprisingly lean, which I enjoy…but definitely miles away from the flavour explosion of Tsim Tsai Kei’s brisket

elevator love letter

I hate to admit it, but occasionally...may I repeat, OCCASIONALLY, grey's anatomy has the capacity to make me all soft and gooey inside. and "elevator love letter" hit some pretty great notes. When Derek (who was stuck in a rut after letting a pregnant patient die, and realizing more of his patients have died than lived) picks himself out of the rubble, it's a pretty beautiful thing. and the way he proposes is even better.

he decorates the hospital elevator with CT scans and medical reports, documenting how far their relationship had come. from their very first case together, to most recently convincing him to get his act together to save a fellow doctor...the proof was in the details (yes, medical ones). It was very sweet - and demonstrated how love is about willing to stick it through. thick and thin, between darkness and light...and love is being able to be honest about our darkness, and be loved despite of it.

Here's the exchange:


Derek: Hey. Come on in. This is a CT of Katie Bryce. 16 year old female, subarachnoid aneurysm.

Meredith: From a fall during rhythmic gymnastics. I remember.

Derek: I remember, it was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together on. Our first save. Right here is a cerebral cyst. Tough save, but we did it. I kissed you in the stairwell after the surgery. And this right here is where Dr Bailey kicked you out of the surgery, because she caught us in your driveway, in my car. And right here, this is a seven hour craniotomy. You held the clamp the entire time, never flinched. That's when I knew you were gonna be an incredible surgeon. Beth Monroe, made our clinical trial a success by surviving. You talked me into putting her under. That's when I knew I needed you. And this is today, post op head CT of Izzie Stevens. You see that? Right there. Tumor free. Because of you. You got me into the OR. If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee, I'm not gonna ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you.

Meredith: And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

easter dinner recipes

1) Baked salmon
- The creamy mixture is a combination of low-fat mayo, goat cheese, and the juice of one lemon (I did half half and blended it in my food processor), then I added the zest of one lemon (all chopped up)
- I season the salmon first with salt and black pepper, then cover it with the mixture
- Then, I fried up some onions (wait until they caramelize) and put them on top of the creamy mixture (The sweetness of the onions contrast well with the tartness of the creamy mixture)
- After I bake it for a while (this filet took about 30 minutes, I think...I always aim to undercook as it will still be cooking in the heat after I take it out of the oven)
- I finish off with a garnish of green onions and cilantro...obviously, dill would be lovely too

2) Green onion pancakes
- I followed the instructions here exactly :) (except I put in more cilantro, I believe)
- Also, it'd be neat to also fold in pork fluff into the pancakes...I will be doing that next time!

sunday poetry

the emptiness echoes
when work no longer consumes every minute

I'm running out of excuses
to not hear the silence
of this hollow heart

so I listen

and when my ears embrace
the inaudible
I am quietly encouraged
by the possibility of sound

easter dinner

bought a new york steak for filling the green onion pancakes...it was marinated in soy, sa tsa sauce, garlic, and sugar.


roasted zucchini, peppers and corn (I coat the veg in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper pre-roast)


baked salmon - did a goat cheese mayo lemon mixture, fried onions (for some sweetness against the tang of the mixture), and green onion/cilantro for garnish and freshness)


homemade green onion pancakes (my first time! next time, I will attempt to make them thinner...but these were still delish!)

thoughts on good friday

I had a heated conversation with a friend yesterday, who was making an argument that I should forgive and forget, because that's when God would forgive me.
I thought about this for a moment - and couldn't help but see the glaring theological hole in their argument.

I replied:

"God doesn't require me to do anything in order to be forgiven...He takes me as I am, bubbling anger, frustrations intact, emotional struggles included. There is no condition for His forgiveness! THAT is the beauty of grace. God's grace doesn't judge me for my iniquities...instead it embraces me, encourages me, and heals me. I'm not saying that I shouldn't forgive, in fact the Lord's Prayer demands exactly that, and God demands that of me when I make the decision to follow Him. But to say that I need to forgive before God forgives me would mean that there's a condition to grace...and my oh my...there isn't! How amazing is that?"


Even I was surprised by my own words...who knew that you can go from defensiveness to awe so quickly?

the little things

Ugly friends napping :)

I always tease my siblings about their attraction to fat jiggly things (eg. my brother got his gf to take a photo of him and this really chubby asian kid at science world, my sister squeals everytime she sees that fat hamster from "bolt" or the blob from "monsters vs. aliens"...not to mention kung fu panda)...but I have to say, I'm attracted to fugly weird looking things, so...who am I to judge? ;)

almost four years

I've just started reading Lauren Winner's "Girl meets God". For those who don't know, the book documents her conversion experience from an orthodox Jew to a born-again Christian. In the first chapter, she describes how weird it is for her to talk about her conversion, because it's something that's difficult to pinpoint. So...what do you say when someone asks you about how you came to know Christ? It was a tough question for her to answer, and it's a tough question for me too.

I wish it was simple. And if I wanted to take the easy way out, I can give the "sunday school" answer and tell you about the time I was 9 and I filled out that little booklet and prayed with my mom for Jesus to enter my heart. But alas, life is a bit messier than that, isn't it?

Maybe instead of one pivotal moment where you accept Christ and the lightbulb turns on in your heart, it's actual a sequence...moments of grace instead of one big conversion experience. Which brings me to Camden.

Camden has to be one of those "grace moments" for me. It was a very real experience of Jesus in all the dark places - the slums, the drug-infested gang-filled streets, the broken homes...places of violence and abandonment and despair.

It was the first time I truly understood Jesus as Saviour to the poor, Redeemer of the broken, Hope for the nations. I saw Him through the eyes of the children we played with, the UP volunteers and staff we served with, and in my own heart as I struggled with what my role is as a Christian in a broken world.

I heard God asking: "For whom are you living for? And how are you consecrating your life for me?". Camden was where God pierced me with that question...and was the spark to much of my subsequent spiritual growth, especially when it came to knowing what it means to relate to a just God.

time travel

I often wonder what my world would be like if time was circular rather than linear - if I had the ability to go back to the past and perhaps even experience the future. The intent wouldn't be to change anything (the "rules" wouldn't permit that), but rather, to see for yourself whether certain things are really worth regretting or whether a problem could have benefited from a different approach. Perhaps it would also allow me to treat situations with a better attitude, since I would already have the 20/20 hindsight under my belt.

I often wonder, if I had this power...which instances in my life would I revisit? A few pop to mind...I would go back to august 1998 - when I first met my best friend, and I would have said "yes" to hanging out with her earlier. I would go back to when I had such a terrible fight with my mom when I was about 9, and I wouldn't have let my anger kidnap my body. I would go back to my valedictory ceremony and experience the great joy of singing in the chan centre - and breathe that privilege in once again. come to think of it, there are probably many situations where I would have said "yes" instead of "no".

what are some moments in your life you'd like to revisit?

30 Rock - How do you see the world?

maybe it's the fever talking...but I can just watch this over and over and over again...
*MUPPETS RULE!*