fumbling towards a grace that overflows...

losing control

the other day, I spent 5 hours on a cake that would later meet its fate with my kitchen floor. as I was transporting it to the container via a huge piece of wax paper, I lost my grip and "splat!" it went on the ground. it was one of those moments where time stopped - I had to take a few minutes to let it all sink in before I could get up. one quarter of the cake had flown off the wax paper and laid splattered on the floor, but for the most part, the cake was intact. I felt a strong urge to just throw it all away but luckily, I chose to take a breather instead.

it was ironic - the past few days, I had encountered some unexpected challenges with work that were emotionally draining for me. making the cake was supposed to be a calming exercise...something I knew I could control, that would run its course and be a success. My guess is that God had a different plan.

unexpected events happen. you never ever really have control...and you just have to make your peace with that. sometimes, the things you spend a great deal of time and effort on just don't work out, and the go "splat" on the ground. and you know what? life goes on. all you can do to salvage what you can and eat what's left...and hey, what do you know? the cake was delicious.

food porn - shaved ice and all things nice (@ trity)

the little things

dear john krasinski lookalike,
I'm usually not the biggest fan of early morning walks to the bus stop, but every time I see you at 7:45am, I forget that I'm actually half awake and fairly grouchy. yesterday was even better than usual, as were you just standing by yourself when I got to the bus stop. for about 3 minutes, we stood silently beside one another waiting for the 401. forgive me not always avoiding eye contact...I might giggle if I actually looked at you directly. don't mind me as I try to act as nonchalant as possible while sipping my earl grey tea.

I like that you're a slightly bulkier version of john krasinski...and with darker hair...and even though you speaking spanish all the time is almost too non jim-like - I forgive you. it's ok...I know replicas can't be perfect.

keep looking awesome!

me

family ties (part 2)

why is it that we treat those we're closest with the worst?

I came to this realization a few weeks ago as my dad, sister and I had a very frank conversation about our relationship to each other. We often disagree with our dad about methods of doing things...beliefs...and sometimes, we're too quick to criticize without thinking of the consequences. It's easy to take for granted that someone loves you unconditionally, so you go ahead and be brutally honest...but little effort is given to being tactful.

Bottom line: if you're going to be ultra considerate to that person you're chatting with on the phone at work, then you should at the very least apply that same ethos to the people you live with. And I think the more you try to be nice, the more natural it will be in the long run. That's what I'm banking on...

food porn - homemade burger extraordinaire (now with more oka !)

work philosophy

Sometimes, I don't know whether I love my job or if I hate my job.
It's great when you come through with a great story - you write it well, you fact-check well, and your guest blows away your host.

It feels like the end of the world when an unexpected turn of events screw up the purpose of your story...or you overlook a crucial part of the story...or simply you haven't got your head together to USE YOUR WORDS. sometimes, one loses their words during stressful situations.

It's great when you finish everything early and you're offering yourself up for extra work - and your senior producer gives you a look of appreciation that makes you want to saunter while singing "the hills are alive with the sound of music".

It feels like the end of the world when NO ONE IS CALLING YOU BACK. and the clock ticks, ticks, ticks...as you wish you were in your bed crying yourself to sleep. yes, anything is better than no one calling you back.

I am consistently at the crossroads about whether I'm made for this. There are days that I doubt why anyone would want to hire me again, but there are also days, like today, where I've written great intros, great challenging and logical question lines, and booked some solid guests. Today, I am a good journalist. For now, at the least.