101 in 1001 days

I first heard about this at the beginning of the year, when strawberry ball (hello! if you're reading in toronto...from some U of T pod) brought it up casually at dinner time. People are generally more inclined to set goals in January - and at the time I seriously did consider starting my list...but alas, life got in the way.
I'm starting to compile a list now,and still trying to figure out when my 1001 days will start. Here are a few that I have now:

1) Learn to play the guitar
2) Knit a scarf
3) Learn how to clean a fish
4) Visit Deep Cove
5) Walk around Downtown West Vancouver
6) Be a vegetarian for at least one week
7) Produce a story for a CBC show in Toronto
8) Write and record a song
9) Get a piece of writing published
10) Journey through China with family

If you have suggestions for things to put my list...feel free to let me know! I'm open to new and exciting things :)

a simple reminder

God is so good
God is so good
God is so good
He's so good to me

He answers prayer
He answers prayer
He answers prayer
He's so good to me

I wish I was as cool as Tina Fey

Fast forward to 1:54.
"I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me with a confidence disproportionate to my looks and abilities...Well done! That is what all parents should do".

top 5 job perks and non-perks (in order)

non-perks
#5: lunch? what's lunch?

#4: losing your train of thought while conducting an interview

#3: never know what the day will bring (a hidden perk too)

#2: when guests keep falling through for your story...like flies. (this is particularly bad when you are booking for the afternoon of)

#1: vulnerable to committing journalistic sins (like...completely ignoring one side of the story. or...getting facts wrong.)


perks

#5: bumping into Ian Hanomansing (affectionately called "Ian Handsome-man-thing")in the halls

#4: be in the midst of news breaking

#3: consistently surrounded by some of the most intelligent/informed people in the city of Vancouver

#2: access to anyone and everyone (or their press people at the least)

#1: boredom is never one of my complaints

sidenote: sidebar is updated!

"you are wonderful"

"wonderful", "tough", and "smart" are not descriptors I would use for myself...if you were to ever compliment me using those words, I would probably look back at you with a deadpan expression...not knowing that to thank you and smile would be the socially acceptable way to react.

tonight, my mother made me cry by using those exact words to encourage me. I have to say that growing up, I rarely ever heard these words from my parents. there may be several reasons for this:
1) for many years, I was really really bratty. and an ANGRY brat at that. let's just say I've slammed my share of doors.
2) my dad is the stereotypical unexpressive "chinese father"
3) again, in the most stereotypical way possible - failure (and being told of that failure) was always the force behind eventual success

and thus - it was with real difficulty that I swallowed the words she used to describe me. part of me is still in awe of the fact that she thinks of me this way - with genuine sincerity. It reminded me to be brave...to be that woman she believes I am.

I feel very blessed right now. I think that it's by God's grace alone that even the most tumultuous of relationships can mend.

Have a good chat with your mom, ya'll. You may find yourself blessed in strange ways.

ode to twenty two

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope...He's coming

- Brooke Fraser

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step...except that I find myself being more confused than ever as to where I'm going. the last year has been the most "dramatic"...you know, by soap opera standards. lots of good soapy fare to go around....emotional roller coaster rides and the likes. and I feel like this upcoming year should be one of refocusing (but alas, I should always be refocusing)...a bit like jiggling with the microscopic lens of life a bit. I also find that I'm reaching that age where I'm getting to know who I am too. What I like, what I clearly don't like...what I'm good at, what I'm clearly NOT good at. Understanding who I am at the core of things (i.e a child of God), and learning the hard lesson that pursuing anything else other than my Heavenly Father is simply folly. My hope is that...with age, I realize more and more of my need for God's grace.

the impending doom of 22?

It's really tough for me to blog after long days of...you guessed it...writing.
I also need to write in a clever and smart and concise manner; which leaves me pretty dry at the end of the day.

I'm going to tag snerk's latest blog entry "back to the grind" and write my own little version of it...I remember wanting to comment on hers earlier, but this will be my super long version of a comment.

Last week, I went up to SFU Burnaby for the first time in a LONG time. I actually really love the mornings there...so peaceful and quiet and the view is just gorgeous. The sun peeking in and just the slightest view of fog...
As I walked around campus, I began to feel old. A "I've moved on" kinda feeling. It spurred me to think about some of the best lessons learned in university, so here I go:

1) It's good to have smart friends. Seriously. You will treasure having someone to count on to take good notes if you're away. I remember my first year classes with koosters and mary fondly...especially the sleepovers before exams! we kicked ass at having long and convoluted conversations about communications theory. (koo: what is postmodernism?)

2) Reading selectively is the key to success in post-secondary. Long gone are the days of first year when I would try to read everything my history prof would assign. I soon realized that I really don't need to read it all to kick ass on papers/exams.

3) GET TO KNOW YOUR T.A's. I think this might be a SFU specific thing, but I found this to be important in learning well/doing well in class. NOOO...I am not a suck up....chances are, if you have questions for your T.A's and make the effort to dig deeper in course material...you're golden.

4) Screw distance ed. I'm paying a fortune for the course...so I'd like to maximize learning opportunities.

5) Never crash-course an essay the night before. Writing is always better after more editing and time to edit...

6) Some of my fondest memories are of us carpooling in first year...jeff's maniac-like driving to get us to class on time...and everyone singing kelly clarkson's "because of you" together cuz it was ON EVERY DAY. good times. so...cherish those carpools :)

It's weird to be so close to graduation....but it also feels like it's time.
I just realized that I didn't even talk about the impending doom of turning 22 (meaning 31! cuz I think I said I turned 30 last year)...stay tuned.

in the realm of hungry ghosts

"For many of Vancouver's chronic, hard-core addicts, it's as if invisible barbed-wire barrier surrounds the area extending a few blocks from Main and Hastings in all directions. There is a world beyond, but to them, it's largely inaccessible. It fears and rejects them and they, in turn, do not understand the rules and cannot survive in it" - Dr. Gabor Mate

when I read this passage from in the realm of hungry ghosts, I had to stop, think, and eventually write it down to retain. It captures the catch-22 in the lives of Vancouver hard-core addicts so well...and made me ask myself many questions about the way things are.

how are addicts supposed to heal when at nearly every turn, they are shunned by the rest of the city?
nothing captures the distance between us and them more than the avoiding glance.
when an addict is talking to themselves,
or in a trance,
or asking us for spare change...

we avoid the look of sadness in their eyes
we look away
in fear that if we do look them straight in the eye
that we would perhaps see ourselves there
in fear that if we acknowledge their presence
that it would make us culpable, responsible

on august 16th, I wrote:
"I'm struck by my incredible blessedness as I read dr.mate's book. in reading about the deeply-rooted pain that addicts experience (and how much it has to do with traumatic experiences/abuse in childhood and youth), I am reminded that I must use my physical-emotional-intellectual strength to my best. I should not take lightly the fact that I am healthy...I must use the health I have to be a vessel of healing for others.

Tasty!

Fortune cookies not found in China? REALLY?

Shocking.