the importance of home

growing up in hong kong, my family, like many others, lived in a very cramped space in some sort of high-rise building. I think we lived on the 11th floor, and the entrance to our home didn't only have a door, but a metal gate as well. although we had little room to play, it never felt small, and we made the best of it. during birthdays, my mom would invite 20-something people over and she would cook up a feast in our claustrophobic closet of a kitchen...it was so much fun. it's difficult to think about those days now - things are so different and I no longer look at "home" through the same rose-coloured lens. I remember my mother helping me put on frilly dresses and she would braid my hair (the highest count was 14!), and every birthday felt like a day as a princess.

when we immigrated to montreal, we were exposed to the greatest weather-related joy possible: fluffy beautiful snow. I think seeing snow was my experience of "first love"...and to share that thrill with my family was the cherry on top of the sundae (what a terrible metaphor...I actually hate maraschino cherries). I still love Montreal and those memories remain blissful and untainted - how can I complain when I could "skate" to the bus stop?
although we were transitioning and trying to integrate into this whole new (french speaking) world, we always had the comfort and warmth of each other.

maybe things were never that perfect. and looking back, there were certainly indications along the way that somewhere down the line, we would encounter separation. I've seen myself, in recent years, get caught up in anger and bitterness...and being someone who is always trying to be "responsible", I would do things simply for the sake of doing them. I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of being a cynic...but I've naturalized it so much that I can't really separate "myself" from me. I'm ready to heal...but sometimes I think I'm simply not in the right environment to do it. it's like people who are trying to fight addiction...sometimes, we just need to displace ourselves (e.g rehab, treatment) from where we are in order to be alive again.