my emotional vomit

afraid to face my own fears and inadequacies, I march on bravely
from the backstage to the front stage, from the front stage to the backstage
I continue to perform
this strange and ambiguous production

afraid of failure, I walk by you without acknowledgement
why run the risk when the stakes are so high?
I've built a fortress of lost hopes
because I would never dare to think
that the world is full of possibilities

time and time again
I try to be good
fervently I pray for guidance, for a helping hand in all this mess
but I've realized
my prayers, however genuine, however "right"
will never bear fruit without Holy Anointing
without God's benediction

and in all these things,
I now try to surrender first
so that God may bless
if He chooses to
these hopes I bear inside