I don't know how lucid I am...

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. - Hebrews 4:12

I'm having a fair bit of trouble writing these days. There are many meaningful things I'd like to talk about, but simply haven't found the time to vocalize them...perhaps Thursday and Friday will be better days. I hope to discuss a little more on what I've been learning in my "Cultural Dimensions of Advertising" class, and also give ya'll an update about the SRO crisis and the Picadilly Hotel.

My soul is tired and I feel it...the days are long, and I don't feel very motivated. There's so much to do at home, at school, and everything else in between - I'm having a difficult time learning to be embraced by God's love. That's a lesson I'm trying to learn as of late - to open my heart for God to love me...knowing that He will not judge and criticize. He has already opened up His arms for me to run into; so what am I waiting for?

My sister has begun calling me "Elaine/Flaine", relating to the Niki/Jessica split personality thing on Heroes. I know that she's completely joking, but I started thinking about it just now, and perhaps I'm a little schizophrenic. A big part of me is the eternal optimist - I believe in the mobilization of the public will, the power of speech and political action, and the butterflies you get in your stomach when someone special meets your eye. However, I can also be very cynical (note my dry humour), and consistently be on the brink of giving up on myself. Those cynical times hit hard when I realize I don't know how to love or be loved.

And so I've been seeking solace in the Word of God...I begin paging through what I had previously scribbled and underlined - trying to find reality amidst the pages. Much of me feels like this is all I've got: all that is true, beautiful, and permanent. At least this way, I feel like I'm swimming in the right direction....

How fortunate I am to have God as my anchor.

"maybe salvation is right where you fell..."