Oops...so it's taken 6 months for me to get here.

Leaving xanga is like a bad breakup. A dirty bomb, as I like to put it. They make it so darn easy to just keep going back...knowing that once you're in...you can't get out.

Well, sayonara Xanga! I promise that this time, I'll be good. I'll stay away...I won't be tempted by your shiny allure and daily "Digest" emails...nono, I'm breaking up for good. (And in this case, it isn't "all about me".)

Anyways, onto the gwood stuff. Although I have no real friends on Blogspot, it just feels like a more "sophisticated" place to write. I'm feeling the need to have a digital refuge, a "home" of sorts on the worldwide web. It kinda allows me to just post my thoughts, and perhaps even have an audience to share with...(that's you!)

I'm guessing that since I plan to make writing my bread and butter, I might as well start somewhere. I can start off small...maybe just really cheap wonder bread, and "I can't believe it's butter!" butter...but at least it's a beginning. here goes!

"if you want to be given everything, give everything up" - bird york, from the song "in the deep", on the "crash" soundtrack.

was pondering that line a bit today. so...this means...I can't have everything...eh? Or anything, for that matter. I suppose that perhaps, we are meant to live "emptily". I'm sure Henri Nouwen has said something to that extent, that in order to receive, you must empty your soul's desires...easier said than done.
There are three lists of desires: primary, secondary, and tertiary...
with enough battling between the mind and the heart, i can give up the latter two categories...which might mean financial insecurity, a difference in career choice, or relocation...it might mean for "achievements" to arrive too late, or too soon, or not at all...

but then there are the primary desires.
at the core of things, it is a desire to not be lonely. To not have to face life on my own, without some form of physical "backup" here, on this earth...above everything, my heart can't give up this desire.

the question is...does "emptying" oneself entail sacrificing the desire to be loved?