family ties (part 1)

there's this one scene in sam mendes' "away we go" that's stuck with me since I watched the film. if you're not familiar with the plot, it's about a couple who find out they're expecting their first child. they go about this cross country trip to visit friends and also figure out where they might settle down. all these friends also happen to be parents - and in one particular scene with a young couple that have adopted several kids, they begin to talk about what makes a home. I unfortunately don't have the exact quote, but the father said something about parenthood that just resonated with me. he said that it was about being better than who you are. every day you wake up, you try a little more because you love your family and you want to keep this home together. and what do you have to do to keep it all afloat? you gotta be a better person than who you really are. you wash those dirty dishes even if you don't feel like it. you go to the grocery store even when you feel like watching TV instead. you ask your kids how they're doing and what their school day was like even though you had a crappy ass day at work and all you want to do is shut out the world.

man is keeping a family together is hard.

Makes me think of this exchange from Garden State. Crud...so sad that I'm quoting Garden State (Feels so...5 years ago. And Zach Braff is so douchey.)

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

I don't want my family to be just a group of people missing the same imaginary place...and in order for these relationships to grow and blossom - it would require some serious commitment from each member. tonight, fat worm, wormball and I got to talking about that. what resulted was both hurtful and restorative...but I'll talk about that in another entry.