school's out...forever?

(Ok - this is my second attempt at this blog entry. I accidentally deleted the first one.)

This September marks the first time I'm not going back to school. And to be honest, I miss it quite a bit. School always served as such a great excuse to not have it all together, you know. It was ok that life was kinda a mess (both literally and metaphorically) because as a student, I'm still learning and searching for what I want to do with my time.

Now, things are a little different.

To be frank, I'm in career limbo right now. I don't have full-time work but I'm also getting enough work to not have to worry too much about finding another job (it makes it difficult to fully throw myself into job searching). I'm however questioning if this is what I want to do - as much as I'm being challenged and stretched, I'm not sure whether I should continue to devote personal time and effort to growing in this particular area.

With the amount of work I'm getting presently, I'm also being tested on how to spend my spare time. For the first time ever, I'm getting a really harsh lesson in discipline. In order to not waste my free days, I lay out what I need to do - whether that's writing, resume pimping, chores, house finances, working out...but sometimes, it's hard to not fall into the temptation of curling up in my bed for a few more hours. I've never quite had so much "free" time before - and I realize how this is such a great test of character for me. Would I be able to spend my time meaningfully even when I'm not working/studying? Am I spending my time in a godly manner?

With a steady job/studies, it's easy to define who we are...but it gets a bit harder when that gets taken away. For right now though, I'm enjoying this mini identity test :)