butterball reflection

ahhh...it's nice to break from blogging once in a while. Haha, it was a good time to NOT think out loud.

the wormball asked to take a few pictures of me the other day, so that she can practice her "colorizing" on photoshop. the whole ordeal was more demanding than we thought - I was picky with how it would turn out, and she had the habit of shaking the camera...the combination was not good. at one point though, she said something very poignant without even realizing it. as she was glancing at a picture she took, she said to me: "elaine, you don't look happy".

obviously, she was simply commenting on the particular set of pictures...but in my heart, I knew that she had hit upon something bigger. It was true, I wasn't happy.

I think it is often easier to dwell on what is hurtful, ugly, and disappointing...being unable to see the silver lining comes naturally to me: since things hadn't worked out before, what are the chances they will work now? It's mildly ironic - I'm constantly trying to see the world around me with a critical eye, trying my best to uncover what is not obvious. however, with the makings of my own life, i'm unable to uncover the hidden treasures around me and appreciate the fact that I am so blessed. the everyday miracles, the unspoken, the will to be alive...I'm learning to wake up to them.