epiphany

there is such liberation in discovering that real love (between human beings) is detached - it is not clouded with anxieties about not having that love returned, not about possession, but rather it is from a distance - letting that person grow and discover while continuing to care for them. The reason for this detachment is because, as Christians, we already hold on to the greatest love of all (do NOT cue Whitney Houston in your head), and that is more than enough for us. As a result, we live in confidence of the hope , the everlasting hope, that Jesus, Christ the King, was and is, and is to come...and that only He can fulfill the longing in our hearts. This confidence allows us to live in such a way that is liberated from feelings of inadequacy or failed expectations...it allows us to give gratuitously; without wanting anything in return.

as I lay on my bed thinking about this last night (I couldn't sleep), I felt a great surge of joy that is beyond literary expression...it just felt so good to know that I wasn't just lying to myself about what I had realized. although this isn't some magic bullet solution - the healing is a process - I do believe that I'm beginning to heal, and that just leaves me in awe of God's grace.