birthday reflections

when asked how i felt about my impending 20th birthday a couple of days ago by a close friend, i replied...with an almost strange ease: "melancholic".
maybe they're the birthday blues or something along those lines...but this time always makes me reflective.
some questions i've been asking myself:
"where am i in my walk with God?"
"where am i in my walk with the people i love?"
"how have things changed from a year ago?"
and of course...
"who am i?"

i still haven't come to firm conclusions (i doubt i ever will...but give me at least a week to form some concise thoughts), only that john mayer's "continuum" has been speaking to me through this time=)

here are some excerpts:

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't,
But honestly won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't wanna see my parents go
One generation's length away from finding life out on my own

So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
I find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man, said "help me understand,"
He said "turn 68, you'll renegotiate"
Don't stop this train, don't for a minute change the place you're in
Once in awhile, when it's good, it will feel like it should...

twice as much ain't twice as good...
when you're dreaming with a broken heart...waking up is the hardest part...
just keep me where the light is.