gah...

it's a rut down here, I tells ya.

where grief burns over past and lack of future...where you constantly question whether you deserve breath at all - because, what in the world have you actually accomplished?
Waking up becomes a tangible reminder of how stuck you are - in this realm of personal responsibility and filial duty, where every step ahead often is one step back in what your heart is longing for.

And this rut of grief takes up so much space - so much noise - so much breath - that I've lost the ability to recognize or acknowledge my own heartbeat.

Need space, need silence, need life.