His eye is on the sparrow

I don't know about you, but being unemployed (well, in this case, not having a full time job) or the prospect of being unemployed, always makes me feel worthless to some degree - and the uncertainty materializes in this constant twitch. *twitch, twitch*.

alright, so maybe I'm doing a little dramatizing.

nonetheless, my head (and heart) are going to some pretty dark places...and again, I'm too stubborn to see that God is trying to hold on to me while I'm just running away. It comes down to priorities, I think. And it's this ultra simple Sunday school lesson that all Christians know - put God first and the rest will follow. But dang it...that's one lesson that's tough to apply. I feel the tension - me battling it out with God - my pride and insecurity against His desire to provide and care for me.
I can't say I've overcome anything at this point...but at least I'm fighting to let go, fighting in the hopes that one day I can genuinely surrender my life to God.
And all of this brings me to the following hymn...one I was reminded of just a few days ago. As I started to sing it on my piano, I had a God-pitome...my Father was trying to tell me I was going to be just fine.

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow