the blues

"is this the new year or just another desperation?"

first and foremost, since "nothing is sound" is officially released...I can legitimately say: this album is better than any of its predecessors. Truly amazing in it's musicality...and the lyrics...ironically...leave me speechless. They've gotten so good at creating "noise"...whether that's jon foreman yelling into a piano to hear it reverberate...or the subtle chimes leading from "lonely nation" to "stars"...this is the stuff dreams are made of. (at least for music lovers)
I await canadian tour dates! stupid seattle, san francisco...BOOURNS...I want Vancouver!

Today, as I got off my opening shift, I realized just how heavy a load I'm carrying. Tomorrow, I have school from 9:30am-4:30pm (albeit with a yucky 3-hour break in between)...I come home to a shift @ 6pm-11pm. And then the next day continues, with me having to leave the house by 8:45am...and having a shift from 5:30pm-9:30pm...

I guess that's how it is when you're a full-time student moonlighting as a barista.

Beyond that, there are internal things that I'm constantly trying to escape. I really do love school...and work...I don't dread either (other than the immense amounts of reading)...but I've come to realize that they all serve as escape routes for me. There are too many things eating me up inside that I need to diverge attention away from them...

Hit by the blues...is there really any other song to sing? There now comes a point where I begin to see my own "inner ugliness"...and it's very hard to subsist it and keep it in control. It's like having a black hole live within me....emptying the contents of my heart so quickly that I can barely sense it coming. It's more difficult seeing the beautiful things...to come to terms with what is penitent...

"I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass...for broken arms and broken noses in the back...you push until you're shoving, you bend until you break...there's nothing here worth saving, there's no one at all...is there any net left to break our fall? it'll be a day like this one when the world falls down...when the hungry and poor will be found...are you broken hearted? have you been pushing hard? does justice ever find you? do the wicked ever lose? is there any other song to sing except these blues? and nothing is ok...till the world caves in."